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Enough has been written about getting disappointed in a marriage recently, I too had written plenty of similar notes to my husband reminding him I am more than a cook, ayah, housekeeper, teacher, dhobi, dinner-heater and mother.
This is not about the letters I (and all of us) have written. Once, an unknown blogger wrote ME a message. If I didn't know his disinclination for writing, I would have thought it was my husband blogging anonymously to me, so close to home it was!
This is an adaptation of that letter. It served to remind me that I too can be more fun, and being in a marriage is NOT all about only what he does for me. Enjoy, think and hope it removes some of the angst that I am reading so often on all our blog posts these days.
I too miss my girlfriend, the girl who became my wife, the girl who moved in with me and turned the house into a home. We built it together, chose the furniture and the drapes and the colours, we stocked up the kitchen cabinets together. We raised the kids, watched them turn the house upside down and made us a family. Crossed off the list, now what?
Maybe, we can join the crew filming, "The Life of the Bedouins" or open up some bed and breakfast on some Greek island. Should we learn photography in some remote camp at the foothills of the Himalayas? Till then, leave me to watch Travel and Living channels or my sports channels. Especially if it coincides with that time of the day when the kids have to be chased into a bath, or read their bedtime stories.
I do not say I will not help you raise the kids. I do not say raising them is all your responsibility. All I am saying is sometimes, you can sit and watch Nigella with me. I will help you tuck the children into bed. Later.
As much as I love you, let me remind you I am not only your driver, electrician, grocery shopper, shoe shiner and occasional baby sitter. I love the sound of your voice, but I cannot be as involved in the shenanigans of a PTA meeting, in how you felt meeting an old friend, or junior's funny painting. These in no way contribute to my quest for grandness. Please don't imagine I am not interested in your things, its just that I don't care as much.
I guess we men are left to dream the next dream, of all the things left unaccomplished in our to-do list. Among all the mundane (I repeat, we do care about these things too, but not as intensely), we are seeking our next achievement. Of being a rock star, a cricket hero, running the marathon. A fast car to Goa. A plasma TV, a home theatre system and a big "do not disturb" sign on the door. A house by a (topless?) beach. Being Hans Solo in a planet inhabited only by women.
Yes, we have our daydreams, and we still dream of finding time for a late night movie together, an evening drink with friends, a long drive in the rain. But most of all, we dream about is having back the wife who is interested in at least some of these things so we can do them together.
The man you married
PS- Before you get into your next chore, tell me where you keep the candles and where I can order roses from.
To the unknown "Guruhead" who wrote the original version, I am still waiting to meet up with you somewhere, I would really like to shake your hand. I was married 5 years at that time, we are soon celebrating our 16th. And a part of it is to do with your letter, which reminds me often why I married the man I did.