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A quiet family lunch followed by a casual talk in the living room, me and my husband were talking about things that don’t matter like what to wear at the weekend wedding and how good the new rust color has adorned our newly painted wall. All of a sudden, I could feel some shivers and the fan shaking crazily.
For heaven’s sake, it was an Earthquake much to our senses, we could feel and see it and even count for that matter. I literally started counting the seconds it lasted for. More than twenty seconds in front of me and 30 seconds as per Indian Archaeological Department. In a fit of hurry, I removed my husband’s hand from my lap (a luxury we enjoy when baby is asleep) and rushed towards my sleeping 2 year old who was sleeping his deepest sleep quite oblivious of the shivers. Watching him sleep peacefully and feeling the earthquake going, I planted a kiss on his cheeks and closed the door. Upon returning to my forlorn husband who was waiting for me with bated breath, a mouth wide open, a puppy face and that hand still in the air, I realized what I had done.
I had backspaced Wifey and entered into Mommy Zone within nano seconds. The person who was with me holding my hand and looking into my eyes, I hushed him away to be with the person who was sound asleep without me with his favorite teddy hand in hand.
I had rubbished the many whatsapp forwards that said- ‘’You can’t be a good wife when you become a mother’’, all this while, but this very incident dawned upon me like a black-dot. I had chosen to forego the company of a partner who had been there with me through thick and thin for a good 10 years (6 years of marriage and 4 years of courtship) in this trying time for a man who had made me fat, moody and impulsive.
As I hugged my husband upon returning to the living room, a plethora of emotions circled my mind. This man definitely made me fat but made me someone which no else would have done. He made me a MOTHER. Do I love him more than my husband? Don’t I love my husband anymore? Doesn’t my husband love our child that much to not have rushed to him? A million questions crossed my mind, answer to which was only one. DEPENDANCY
My kid is a bare two year old, he still wears diapers and sleeps between us. I’m the only human being he sees all day and his father at night and at weekends. I am responsible for his cleaning, eating, combing, washing everything. Yes I’m a full on Hands-on Mom, for other things that don’t touch my baby, is our maid. He practically cannot function without me ( what else a 2 year old is supposed to do) as opposed to my Big Man who is well on his own, I mean I don’t have to do the cleaning and washing for him.
There lies the more love vs less love part. ‘’Love is a state of being , a dependency which makes you fall in love. You don’t love someone for whom he is, but for how dependent he is on you’’ very well said by some wise person. As the caring natured we women are, we tend to be mother-like to the person who stays with us for a while. And all hell breaks loose, when we become one ourselves. There’s no looking back then. Our kids become the apple of our eyes and our world. Till the time they start going to school, I don’t think we Indian mothers especially take out time for ourselves. And even if they are off to school, the buffer time is spent planning for their meals, playtime and studies. So more true for SAHMs who live and die for their kids. But have you ever thought or did a little fast-forward, what if the kid in this case was a grown up say a 14 year old off to tuitions and you at home? The max you would have done is called him up on his cell-phone, made sure he is alright and then carry on with your work or chores. You WOULDN’T have waited for him to return and give him a tight motherly hug. NO, because he no more eats from your hand, or lets you wash him.
Kids grow old and so do our priorities, but most mothers are left sulking in a corner trying to fill the void that time has created. They wonder, lament and sulk upon what to do in the all free time they have. Well, have a look at your bigger Man once again for he has been there all this while, when you were busy growing up your kid.
Hold his hand as you walk, he might need it
Straighten his collar once in a while, for he might not notice it
Place a handerkerchief in his pocket, he forgets it all the while
Ask, how his day was, it’ll light him up
Give him a goodbye kiss, he deserves it!
And in the next EARTHQUAKE, hold him tight first, for he is the one made you a MOM technically!!