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The moment I saw this topic #ParentingFromTheSamePage, creative juices started flowing in my mind. I am all for equality when it comes to relationships - be it disagreeing with the concept of marriage where a girl is asked to unlearn all her ways of decades to adjust in a new environment or parenthood - which primarily is the charge of mothers. I have very strong view on the male-female divide and I was ready to vomit all thoughts out on paper.
So, my mind started thinking of anti-male themes of husband/ father bashing. I started reflecting on 6.5years of marriage and 3 years of parenthood………AND realised that honestly, my partner has been a very responsible husband and a loving father. He does everything possible in his capacity to be an equal player and yet it’s never enough. Every time we have a ‘you are not doing enough’ conversations, I am left thinking, why is it naturally assumed that I am responsible for bringing up a child and my husband’s contribution is a like favour for which I should be thankful???
But, I realise that my poor husband is not to be blamed, it’s his upbringing and the societal set-up that doesn’t let him be an equal partner. It took me some thought and guts to give my article the title that I gave it, as that can spark some personal emotions. Yet, the idea is not the single out my MIL for my husband’s outlook toward marriage or parenthood, my mother is equally to be blamed ‘Kyuki – damad ji thodi bachhe ke diaper badal sakte hai’…..!!!!!
How much ever we may want to deny, but notion of gender bias is so deep routed in our culture that even we unconsciously contribute to it often and then bear the brunt of it. Tell me how many of these instances sound familiar to you and then think – IS MY PARTNER NOT PLAYING AN EQUAL ROLE OR AM I NOT LETTING HIM DO SO:
-While holding your child in initial months – “How are you holding her, give support to the neck and cover her with sheets properly”
-While readying the milk bottle – “It’s been 4 months and you don’t know the right temperature at which your child drinks milk”
-While trying to feed the child –“Ufff…..you can’t do this much!!! recite XYZ song/ poem – that’s her favourite and she will eat faster”-
-While trying to clean up the child’s wardrobe – “This is now how I arrange it, you don’t know which top matches with which pajama”
And, the concluding dialogue – OK, LEAVE IT!!! ITS BETTER I DO IT MYSELF!!
So, the point I am making is that men are different. They love you in their own ways and have a different learning curve. Give them an equal chance, they will take time to pick these things up but the intent is very strongly there…….they weren’t brought up with a bent of mind to adapt to these changes and neither are they natural nurturers like woman/ mothers.
I am optimistic that they try topic #ParentingFromTheSamePage , we just need to give them some more time J **THE OPTIMISTIC ME**