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As per the newspaper reports the famous American comedian and television host Ellen DeGeneres is planning to have a baby with partner Portia to save their marriage from falling apart. Hmmm……..how much truth is there in the news or if she eventually has a baby doesn’t matter but the idea to have a baby to solve marital discord is quite a disturbing thought. Can having a baby changes the fate of a bad marriage?
Last time I checked couples used to have a baby to strengthen their marriage not save. If partners think that a baby is the pre-requisite for a secure bonding, then there is fundamentally wrong with the relationship at the first place.
In some cases grown-ups assume that a child is one-stop solution to fix a challenged marriage and in other, a husband and a wife thinks that an arrival of a new member will rekindle their lost romance by giving a new lease of life to their monotonous routine. Not to mention the people (parents and society) around the couple who believes that a baby is a missing link which can hold a man and wife together by keeping them devoted to family life.
In certain instances, the trick to bring a baby in the world might do the wonders for the marriage. It makes it more blissful as couples become more committed and respectful to each other but truth be told, these are rare examples. Life isn’t a Bollywood movie where a child is harbinger of peace and harmony in an otherwise crumbling marriage.
Sometime back a friend of mine, who is married for three years, started having problems in her marriage. Like most of the working couple, the spouses could hardly find time for each other because of their busy schedule. The stress of work started taking a toll on their married life. They would fight over trivial issues which would sometimes escalate into a full-fledged war. Parents from both the parties suggested a simple solution –have a baby. Thinking that it’s a right time and right solution, they gave it a shot .But nothing changed. The motive to embrace parenthood in order to save marriage didn’t work. The woman now feels that she has to make all the sacrifices – office, leisure and sleep to look after the baby and her husband complains of enduring an added burden to earn in order to look after the whole family. The marriage was rocky in the beginning and remains so even after the baby.
People need to understand that a baby can’t act as a cement to bond the relationship of his parents which doesn’t have strong foundation of love, respect and empathy. If a couple can’t iron out their issues they certainly don’t have the right to bring a life into this world and thus add more misery to already miserable situation. How can the additional work of changing nappies, feeding, doctor visits, night time awaking and additional finances prove to be a remedy of all marital discord? In fact raising a child adds pressure to the everyday life and a couple might use their baby as an addition to their blame games.
Most marital problems occur due to misunderstanding, miscommunication and ego between the partners. I feel these issues should be solved first before pinning all hopes on a baby to salvage a troubled marriage.