|   May 23, 2017

"One day a Prince charming  would come, riding his white horse, to take you away from the world and love you like you have never been loved before... Would take all your worries. And the together you will stay happily forever... And forever..." 

A fairy tale which each girl read about , a dream which each girl fonder all her life, a hope that makes them enter in a relationship, a wish that make them worship, a purpose that make  their parents  live. 

 In today's era,  girls are being highly educated, excelling in varied fields, raised with equal freedom as boys are, made independent financially and in every way to meet the needs of complex world. Blessed we are, as our parents encourage us multidimensionally, they are open for our choices and decisions. They be supportive all our lives whether it's about going outstation for studies  or job. Whether we want to go for love or arrange marriage. Even there after, they give us a helping hand with kids. So that we could be happy, peaceful and settled in our lives. 

Everything is well planned and well managed in order to ensure our happiness. And the day comes when Prince charming finally enters your life...  He does shower all fancies over you to implore you. Drench you in his love, promises  you to honour you in sickness and well being. Intend to protect you from the world. Together you share your love bond and the positivity fills your life. And you feel blessed with your hero. A few seasons and the romance and trust starts fading.. 

His ego grows far above your self respect. The love and care still exist in some corner of his heart, which are the now feelings he doesn't wish to waste his time at. With time you become immaterial for him or he takes you for granted. knowingly or unknowingly he abuses you...

A relationship started with friendship added with all beautiful elements of life, turns in to just a means to an end... The responsibilities, interference from relatives, urge to grow in life takes the toll over love bond. 

In the midst of all, we rethink over our done and undone in life . We think hard on what wrong have we done and harder on how to make it work. In absence of love and acknowledgement of our existence, we question, doubt and judge our selves,like everyone else has been  doing.   And just when our heartboat is about to sink, our conscience defends us. We realise we have been punishing ourselves for the wrong which has not been done. Over thinking results in empowering others,  to an extent we start blaming ourselves and falling in to depression. Only wrong we did  is that, along with our heartstrings  we surrender the strings of  our happiness, our independence, our freedom to our soul mate .The same set of jewels our parents have decorated us with, for our happiness. And we handover it to someone else. It's the love and trust that make us do so. And our empowered Prince charming becomes the king of our destiny. And we from their dream girl become their slave. We long for love,  respect, care,  support from them. We keep waiting for their company and lifetime friendship, which we were promised for  . In our urge to feel valued, we shower all we demand for, thereby empowering them even more. And our King grows.. It might not be case with every individual but lots of women are suffering with "lost their existence syndrome"  few years of marriage and girls start loosing their self-esteem. Many commit suicide, many break their ties, many make other illicit relations.,many still choose to live in hope that things will change, his attitude might become as earlier and the rest live in sacrificing their actual self in name of relationship. They think of broader picture of life - future of children, dignity in society, sometimes they continue in fear of starting a fresh or ending up in isolation.... forgetting how isolated they're . It doesn't mean that we need to suffer lifelong.. Nor that we deserve it. It also doesn't mean husbands are supposed to behave in this manner.Being superior to us thereby making us feel inferior all the time. Rather they should be our companion and hold responsibility of our happiness and wellbeing. Pull us out from negativity, when they find us sinking. They should be our saviours  not offenders.

 However,  its not that every relationship end up in a depressing manner . But each one of us face such phase in life. And not that we can change our King's behaviour or make him fall in love with us  again, without his involvement in relationship. 

Agreed that we are social being and need to be loved, care, respected. We have inborn need to be wanted and we ponder our relationship to feel special. But please don't beg for what you have been giving enormously to others. 

There's one thing we can surely do.... to help our self ... Love yourself.... Hold your self high in your own eyes... Explore the actual you.. Apart from all the roles that you are playing... Reach emotional stability ... Be your own hero.... And definitely your man will fall in love with you again... When you will be yourself again. As life attracts life.

 Pamper yourself.. Buy flowers that you love... Dress up the way you like... Meet or talk to an old friend..make some new friends.. Leave some chores... Relax yourself... Jot down your wish list... Aim to achieve them... Sing a song... Watch your favourite movie.. Cherish the beauty of nature... Feel fit by exercise and balance diet.. Take care of yourself like your mother use to care for you. Take that extra leap to find time for yourself.. With yourself.. Roam around aimlessly.. Play with your kids... Find the life in you and your love will come back to you. 

Our husbands meet us at the point of time in life when we are self fulfilled. The age and stage we love ourselves, our body, our being. When we're living the lifestyle we are most comfortable in, which are parents provide us with their hard work. The phase we know best of ourselves, our  likes and dislikes, listed to tell our perfect partner we have been searching for. We know our dreams, wishes at best. And then we marry and get a whole new world. For few the new world is close to where they have been living, for those who get it all different, it's difficult to survive. Its the love and support of our partner that helps us to adjust in opposite circumstances. In the journey of trails, its the love of our husband that makes  us feel  alive... Though tough experiences changes us and so do they... Eventually the equation of our relationship imbalances. We need to accept it's natural, acceptance makes it little less hard. We also need to take charge of our lives. We need to be the heroTo get ourselves back, to make our relationship work, to regain the balance.. We are also responsible and capable for our happiness.  Why do we always expect our husbands to be hero every time? Why we look forward to husbands to keep the spark alive? Why we allow their behaviour towards us an indication of our self worth? Why we become dependent on them to an extent that we cannot see our happiness without husbands in it?

Despite of our education, our upbringing, our modern lifestyle we are bound to ancient ideology of husband- wife relationship. Some bad is done by our bollywood romantic movies and the fantasy stories we read since our childhood. The mythology which fills our minds with power of husband. Our aunts and oldies, who consider a submissive and sacrificing wife as an essential element of happy marriage and healthy household. But we girls and our husbands do need to realise the role of homemaker wives in healthy household. We need to realise our contribution in others comfort and happiness. We need to value ourselves first, before expecting it from others. We need to redefine our concept of hero.... 

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