“Mom, say whom do you love more ? “ Sibling jealousy over Mom’s affection.
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|   Dec 31, 2016
“Mom, say whom do you love more ? “  Sibling jealousy over Mom’s affection.

Disha commented “I feel you love Bhaiya mor than me”

Rumi immediately stated  “No that’s not true”

Disha replied “Alright !! Then choose Maa..say  it now !  Whom do you love more ?”

Rumi gently explained “Look at the 5 fingers of your hand ….can you choose which one is dearer to you”

Rumi is the mother of two adorable children son Dhruv 16 years and daughter Disha 11 years.  Recently she has been observing that during her endearing times with her elder son, Disha vies for mom’s attention. Today she expressed her feelings quite directly by  stating  her brother is seemingly loved more.

Rumi travelled down the memory lane to a time when she was of her daughter’s age. Rumi was the only child of her parents. As a child to working parents in a nuclear family, she lived with her grandmother away from the hustles bustles of city. The duo lived in a nice cosy house by the river Hooghly. In that house, there were two other constant companions with them – a faithful dog and a maid. Rumi loved to plant roses and various flowering plants on the silted fertile soil by the river.  As a child, she took her book and read below the mango tree in the soft winter afternoon. In the evening, she played with her Alsatian dog Laali and walked the long trails beside the river bank.  During study time, Laali sat beside her table and many a times dozed off into a nap when Rumi lovingly stroked her soft hair.

Grandma was her mom’s aunt. She was headmistress in a school, spinster and a freedom fighter during our struggle for independence against British Raj. She lived her life with strong values and her real life stories were source of inspiration to Rumi. Every night, grand mom shared different experiences from her life and many other stories about the struggle for freedom and in this way days passed into months and year. Rumi’s parents used to visit them once or twice every week  and ensure her studies and all needs were well take care.

One day her faithful companion Laali fell ill. She was a full grown beautiful Alsatian by then whose days were limited and soon passed away. It was a sudden void for the small girl as well grandma. Grandma was a dog lover who got a new puppy without any further delay.  But, within a few days’ time, the puppy fell sick . She was kept in the outhouse and grand mom attended to her with constant vigil. In-spite of it, there was no sign of recovery for the puppy and the more she became sick, the greater she took away grand mom’s attention span. Rumi became increasingly jealous of the small ailing pet which was drawing Grand mom’s attention span to the fullest. The time which grandma used to spend with Rumi was gradually shrinking and the 11 year old girl couldn’t take it kindly any more.

After work,  household chores and nursing, the only time which grandma  could now devote for the little girl was the night time. She continued the tradition of telling bed time stories to her. One such night, in the midst of an interesting story session, the maid came running to call grandma as the pet’s health further deteriorated. This was like a salt to Rumi’s wound. She decided to abscond from her house and run away to her parents place in the city. The next day, by dawn, she packed her bags surreptitiously and left for the railway station. 

While it’s a different story how grandma with her associates could trace and find her before she boarded the train, thinking of that day, about the emotions of a child and listening to her daughter now, she could relate to the feelings what Disha was going through.

Sibling jealousy over Mom’s affection is nothing new. But Rumi decided that she will handle the matter effectively so that such feelings are settled and becomes a story of the past. Any unsettled emotions has the potential to disturb a child and adversely affect them. Rumi always hugged their children more in love than rebuked them for their mistakes. She believed the greatest treasures a parent can give to their children are love , security and expression of such love. So she wrote a letter to her small girl and kept it by her bedside.  Next day morning when Disha found the letter, she read it. It went on to say :-

 

My dearest Angel,

Your father and I always wanted a loving daughter like you. So both of us prayed to God and He appeared before us in my dreams. But God granted the wish with a condition. He said that he will first send a big brother to protect you from all evil.  We were very happy with God’s decision and welcomed your Bhaiya first and then you came into this world to illuminate our life.  Hope you understand how much we all love you.

Your loving Maa.

 

After reading this letter, Disha came and hugged Rumi. She had lot of questions about the conversation with God and God’s granting of wish.  By then she had prepared a long wish list for herself. I will write about it later.  For now, a nagging problem was successfully averted.

 

Late night when her husband Rishi got back from work, Rumi demanded “Is it me or your work ..Choose one. Say it now !! ‘   

But thats a different matter :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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