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The loud ring of the phone woke me up early at 2.30 am today and again the war room invited me. The moment I joined the bridge everyone right up from the director had one single voiced statement “Suja what is going on with the team working at site 3. Rick is getting mad with the way we work. Please do something immediately to resolve the issue. we need to solve this within an hour”.
I called up ajay sharma.
“Ajay can you please join the bridge immediately. The servers at site 3 has crashed”.
“Suja, I am sorry to say this but we support only the client side systems”.
“Ajay I perfectly do understand and know about what we support and what we do not. But this is not the time where we can say that. We have to work and eliminate the cause from our side. Everybody’s on the bridge”.
“Suja then we need kumar to join too because he is the one who knows better”. Kumar the only one out of the twenty odd member team who knows better ?? Bewildered I was hanging on to the phone.
Should I say nowadays life has become very hectic. No hectic is not the word. My mind was too tired to get into the war room. “Maaa water ma” a soft voice from under the blanket turned me. I don’t even get to sit with my little boy nowadays. It has been days since Ram and me had a family dinner. I was in a perfectly disturbed mood that made me throw words “ashwin cant you even drink water on your own” forgetting that I am speaking to a two year old of mine. A slight weep from under the blanket made me more guilty.
Life from outside seems to be rosy. Every week when amma speaks over phone can hear about some relative saying “Suja is working as a senior manager in the US right. It’s really lucky to rise to top position at this young age. Our srini is still a project leader”. People don’t understand that its not just talent or luck that takes one high. It takes lot of work and personal time. Nowadays I have been thinking a lot to just come out of everything and just be with ashwin. I don’t even know if that will be possible of me but still have been craving for that.
Ajay was ringing on the mobile
“Suja there is some thing wrong with the remote connectivity….. we need someone on the site” forgetting that it was 3 am in the morning. I had no other go but to get ready.
I tried waking up Ram. “Ram I have an urgent call. There is a war room. I am leaving now. Please be with ashwin today till I come as he was running high fever yesterday. I will try to come back before noon”.
“Oh Suja, this is becoming regular nowadays. Why don’t you learn to manage things better? Are you the only one to go now. You have to learn delegating things". Ram was going on and on. It struck me that all he had to tell was that he will not be able to stay with ashwin for the day. “Ram please we need not start now. Will call up Mythili and ask her if she can help” saying this slamming the door I rushed to the car. The road was bare. Obsolutely disturbed with the things I was trying to take the exit when I just remember a loud “thud”.
When I woke up back I was wondering whats soooo heavy on me. The mild lights glared my eyes. Tried getting up only to find that I was unable to move. It was sooo vague. I closed my eyes without understanding the place. Soon could hear voices. Ram with another person. “Mr Ram your wife needs an operation immediately”. Only then I understood that I was in a hospital. Only “ashwin” was in my mind. Oh my sweet little one. How long I am here. Who is there with ashwin then? My poor little fellow must be totally upset. He cant even understand things. Oh god I had planned to trim his nails today. How can and to whom can I tell this. Could not control the thoughts racing through my mind. My mind was confused with sooo many things that I started worrying about “How am I going to convince the director about the war room”.
Knowing that I have regained my conscious the doctor was talking to me. “Mrs Suja are you alright now? There is a small injury in your brain. We just need a small surgery. You don’t have to worry”. What was there to worry. I was way too away from all these things with my mind lamenting only about my ashwin and in particular about trimming the little one’s nails. “As you say doctor” was the only thing I could tell the doctor. Could hear the doctor saying to Ram “Your wife is really brave. Still she has a pleasant smile. Don’t worry she will be alright”. Even in that stage I could not stop my mind laughing “Brave ? Me ? A lady not even knowing to handle and delegate things”. “Doctor please I want to see my kid” I said. “Don’t worry Suja we will bring him when your operation gets over”. On the way to the operation theatre could feel the little fingers touching my cheeks and the wet lips kissing me. That was enough for me.
It took three weeks before I could return back home. Amma had come rushing. Could hear the phones ringing every now and then. Oh I have at least some people still close to me and worrying about me. Ashwin was not allowed to come near me as I was bundled in bandages all over. Could fractures be so immobilizing. I could see the pain of the little boy when he was deprived of my warmth.
Six months has passed by. Organization had been so kind granting leaves which was optionless. “Hi Suja, How are you doing? Hope things are better now. So what is your plan. Can you join and we will make every arrangements to make you comfortable” the director had called. I said, “Sorry Raghu. I have decided to put my papers”. I still wonder how could that decision be so instantaneous. I have always wanted to tell that statement all these days after ashwin’s birth but somehow have never been before this day.
Life changed. It was all green. Ashwin was the happiest kid as I saw him in that way. I was living my every moment for him and Ram. Wow it never occurred before that I could be such a wonderful homemaker. Ashwin started going to school and days were passing happily until one day he came back from school told me “Amma Today I felt very bad amma. Kevin says his mom is a doctor, akshaya says her mom is a teacher, badri says his mom works in a bank. what do I have to say”.
Oh my god kids keep growing and life keeps changing for change is the only thing that is changeless isn't it?