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Pick up any parenting article written by experts and one thing that is boldly highlighted is -
"NEVER FIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS."
And obvious reasons are stated supporting the fact, the one which tops the list is that it is emotionally damaging. The kids hence suffer from anxiety and depression and in some cases may become withdrawn and quiet!
In schools nowadays, there is a "NO SHOUTING AT KIDS" policy. Hitting them is out of question.
And same above said reasons support the policy!
Okay, I agree because experts can't be wrong.
So, in short, we are trying to make our kids world "PICTURE PERFECT" where everyone talks to them and with each other with a smile. If they make mistakes, they are very politely corrected, and in some cases mild punishments like "time outs" or "snatching away the gadgets" etc is implemented.
My kid today lives in a "fake" candy house where mom and dad are very polite to each other. They don't get angry and most of the times agree on issues. Even eye rolls are not acceptable he thinks.
* He is not aware of the "Mahabharata" episodes between us because we play them when he is fast asleep ;) ;)
In school, if he is not disciplined, or if he forgets to carry his book, or submit his homework or the project he has worked on is not up to the mark; he is very politely asked to be a little particular by his teacher.
* He is maybe not even aware how pissed off the teacher is, and how much she wants to scold him for being careless. Her blood pressure may now be at a recorded high, but she is calm because she is supposed to stay calm and not shout at kids even whey act like monsters, because it's in the school policy!
As a mother, I really fear what happens to our kids once they step in the "REAL WORLD"??
I mean when they get married/get a partner and they get a job/any occupation.
* Won't they start comparing their personal lives to their parents, where everything was so perfect like a fairy tale. Won't that be a cause of depression for them then?
* When they are in an occupation where they are bluntly told to get better and talk business or else they are fired! Will they really be prepared to take it?
What happens then?
Showing one's emotions (note anger, jealousy etc), getting mad at each other, and then sorting out the differences in our own way - isn't this a part and parcel of life!
* Please note that I am not talking about any violent, nasty outburst of emotions, but small fights.
I many times wonder why in spite of parents being so conscious and aware, depression in kids is on such a rise?
-- In our times I remember the teacher used to toss away the notebook and throw us out of the class at times. And it was normal. We used to cry at times, but we were so used to this kind of "abuse".
So, as a fresher when I joined a company and my boss was unhappy with my work, I was glad it was better than school and college days :) I didn't get into any kind of depression!!
-- When I was small I had seen my mom and dad loving and supporting each other, but also arguing many a times. I had seen them slamming doors and shouting at each other.
So when I got married, and I had my first fight with my husband, it did not come as a shock to me. I wasn't depressed rather glad that we are better than my parents (*kidding) and life is blissful :)
Please don't raise your brows and judge me, remember #stopjudging ;)
I am NOT IN FAVOUR of yelling at kids, or fighting in front of them, but I sometimes worry!!
Sometimes I feel that we may be doing more harm by choosing to be all sugar coated and "fake" in front of our little ones.
Are our kids ready to face the "not so sweet" world?