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It amazes me to see how many write ups are available on net for Right Parenting, Dos and Donts of Parenting, Wrong Parenting, Best Parenting Style and the list goes on… Everyone has many scientific, psychological reasoning supporting their “correct” way of parenting. Forget write-ups, all parents would be at the receiving end while someone preaches them about good parenting. If your kid is thin, you will get handy advices to help him/ her put on weight. If a little plump there will be no end to people telling you to monitor kid’s intake of food. Whether your kid behaves quite or cranky you are going to get advices, advices and more advices. So basically what is the Right Parenting??
I happen to blame my parent’s parenting for my messed up character many a time. Once I grew up, I could open up and share things with anyone and everyone but my parents. They were the last people of earth in front of whom I was comfortable showing what I could do like dancing, singing, poet recitation and all. I still remember that since I grew up I never went to my parents with any of my problems and tried to deal with them on my own till the problem became too big for me. So was my parent’s parenting style wrong??? I thought so... As I am a grown up and a parent myself, it’s easy for me to blame them.
Today when I sit and analyze their parenting style, as a parent myself, this is what the result is. My parents have always been very protective of me. They didn’t allow any problem to reach me. Some might think this is such wrong parenting as if the kid is protected so much, he/she will never know how to face a problem. But that was not my case. I knew how to face problem and I knew how to fight. What I learnt from my upbringing was not, how to seek protection, as I was always protected, but I learnt how to protect my parents like they protected me by fighting on my own. I never let my problems create even smallest of problem for them. And today instead of blaming them I am thankful to them for making me stronger.
One another contrasting parenting style that I would want to mention here is the one I witnessed a couple of weeks ago. There was a Daily wage laborer couple with their 1 year and few months old daughter. They both were working on the new pavement that was being made right outside my workplace. I kept seeing them through the Closed Circuit Television Camera. The little girl, many months younger to my daughter was playing on her own. Every time she fell I was jumping off my chair, but in seconds she was back on her feet and her mother was completely unaffected. After short while when she got bored of her new surrounding she started going to her mother, just to get no reaction as she was busy with her work. As I saw the lady getting annoyed, expecting the worse, I took out an inflated ball that belonged to my daughter and gave it to the little girl and after that for next 2 hours that that lady worked, the girl was completely occupied with that toy. I could not help but started comparing my daughter to this little girl. She spent 2 hours with one same toy whereas my daughter throws away everything after just 15 minutes, never to play with it again. Every time my daughter falls, she needs some motivation and sympathy to be back on her feet and if she is really hurt, I have to pick her up, whereas this girl, though months younger to my daughter, didn’t expect even once that her mother will pick her up. Why such huge difference? Because of the way the two kids are brought up? Because of their environment? Who is right? Who is wrong? Is my daughter too dependent? Is my daughter distracted as she cannot be with same toy for long? To which my reply is same, both are different because of different parenting ways. Not Right .. Not Wrong.. but different Parenting ways. Both are being brought up adjust to their environment.
There is no Right or Wrong Parenting style. In normal circumstances, parents do the best they can for their children. Some are very easy going parents, some are strict, some share a lot with kids, some filter things reaching their kids, some parents replace friends’ in kids’ life, some parents create an environment for kids to be favorite among friends. Nowhere can anyone decide what is right what is wrong. So next time before anyone judges your Parenting Style or you judge anybody’s Parenting Style remember they are not you, their kid is not yours, their environment is different than yours and you and you you are the judge of your own parenting style.