An Open letter to a Husband-Dear Husband, I don't need your help. 
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|   May 09, 2017
An Open letter to a Husband-Dear Husband, I don't need your help. 

When a baby is born, parents are also  born at the same time . Like the baby they are also novices, and know  nothing about parenting. They learn to adjust to it on the job. . But in the journey of raising  a kid, the  mother is always seen as the more responsible one and the father is only seen as a help. Why? Let me tell you why? Because they have been programmed  like that: they have grown up seeing  their mothers and grandmothers being the more responsible ones and taking care of the family  while the  fathers just helped  around with other  things.  Of course , they are the bread earners  of  the family but that should  not be an excuse to run away from the responsibility of raising  kids.  Also, the fathers  get all the appreciation  when they do some work related to the baby. In the early days after the birth of my baby , when I was not able to move around much, my husband was there to "help". Yes, he has been  helping me from day one. Bottle feeding, diaper changing, putting baby off to sleep, all these were favours that he was doing for  me.(that is  what I always get to hear). Everybody around me  would always tell me how he was  doing everything and that how lucky I was  to have him. Seriously? Isn't that his responsibility too? Nobody tells my husband, how lucky he is to have me, when I change the diapers or when I breastfeed the baby ,or cook for the both of them and take care of "our" child all alone for whole day, sometimes even for 2-3 consecutive days, when he is away touring for work, For  having countless sleepless nights where as he sleeps in peace  the  whole night. Since nobody tells him that, he also thinks that he is doing a great job  by helping me sometimes and it is  OK not to help me on soe days, when he is tired or just not in the mood. He thinks like that because he has not understood that he is not supposed to only help me. its not the help that he has to do. He has to share the responsibility, where in  it is  never okay not to do anything, no matter how tired or sick you are. I cannot  take the leverage of not cooking for my son on days when I am  tired, sick, in pain or just not in the mood. I cannot stop feeding or bathing him. . I have to do that because that is  my responsibility and it is not a help offered to someone.  *He sleeps in peace at night because he knows I am there to look after the baby if baby gets up in the middle of the night. It is  my duty only and not his. *On some days, if he gets up at 6 in the morning to prepare  the bottle for the baby, he just hands  it over to me and goes  back to sleep again. He never volunteers to feed and put the baby  back to sleep because he thinks it is my duty and not his. And he does this  so loudly that baby wakes up  and then I struggle to put him back to sleep for the next 2 hours. Where as Dear Husband is keeps sleeping next to us. *He never thinks aboutwhatthe baby will eat in his next meal, forget about cooking for him. Not even on his days off, because that too is my duty and not his. *He never volunteers to sterilize his bottles, take him to the park, no matter what and the list goes on and on. What I am trying to say  is, there are so many things which I am doing alone and I am sure it never comes to his mind that he can share the load of those things too. Why? Because of the thinking that I need help, and that help will also come when I am not well and will complain  about it but no I don’t need any help. All I need is for him to shre the load equally. It takes two to make a baby and it must take two to raise a baby too. P.S.  I know you are working hard and earning for us, and I appreciate that. All I need is for you to share the responsibilities of the baby as and when you can, without me having to tell you to do the same. Even a mother needs and deserves some rest, she is M for Mother and not M for Machine.

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