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Who says being a mother is easy? Or that it's only a responsibility or a duty that you HAVE to fulfil only because you decided to bring a new life into this world. It's one of the biggest aspects of your life where you bring a life into this world to nurture into a good, loving, happy and a mature human being.
I have heard people, especially the generations before us, scolding and explaining to us that "oh raising children is so easy, haven't we raised 4-5 children.We used to manage our work and house both without any problems. So what's the big deal?
They might be absolutely right at their end. Of course they have raised so many children and handled their priorities to the best of their capacity. But everyone fails to understand or simply forgets that things were different 20 to 30 years ago. Now if we really think, we will see that to nurture and raise a child in today's time is the most prestigious gift that any parent can have.
Now if you have two children, you will see that they will hardly imitate each other. If you tell one of them that see your elder brother or sister is doing this and you should also do the same, you will be surprised by their reaction. It is not the same anymore where children would learn from the other. Some choices can be similar but you can't force them to imbibe each other's good habits while each other's flaws are the first thing they'll learn. You cannot influence your child's personality at all these days. Gone are those days when parents had to explain only once and we would obey them. Today you need to explain the whys, hows and wheres of each task. And if you are lucky, you'll have a willing participant.
Well, now the main purpose of sharing this whole experience is because I am going through the pre teens phase with my 11 year daughter and I bet that it's difficult. Even though my daughter is so soft and gentle and keeps to herself and does not get involve in unnecessary gossip or rather she is a bit of an introvert. But still there can be more issues.
I think I cannot blame her at all because since her birth, she has been the center of attention for us, though she still is but now her 3 year old brother demands attention too. I thought that this age gap would be good for her because she would have grown up a little and I could easily take care of my son in his initial years. But I was mistaken, kids are kids after all and first borns always have a special place.
Over the last three years I have seen a lot of change in her. Before my son my entire day was dedicated to her. She was such a darling, she still is...we used to colour, watch tom& jerry and go out. Our favourite was bed time because we used to narrate bedtime stories to each other. But then everything changed. My time got divided between the two kids. I didn't know where to go and what to do. Some days were just a dead end.
Things which were so easy with her suddenly started becoming an ordeal for me. What made sense to her before, now doesn't seem to get register after numerous repetitions. I agree that I have changed over the last three years with so much responsibility, but I don't take my kids for granted. I want to make sure that she gets the right knowledge and growth which is very necessary at this tender age of hers. I strongly believe that pre-teens is the age where your experiences, knowledge and learning shape who you are.
Simple things like hygiene are a task to explain to her these days. I have also noticed that she has made a special place for herself where she wants to be left alone with her books. She is a voracious reader and I am really happy about it, at least focuses on things that matter. But most of the times I do snap. It's not because I have to do every small thing for her, from cleaning the room, the study table, her wardrobe or polish her school shoes or getting her uniform ready, it's because I want her to become a little more independent and recognise her individuality. After all being a girl brings in a lot of things. I want her to be strong. Me and my husband do talk about this and I tell him that at least you try to explain her some things, and the only response I get is that this age is very vulnerable. You have to handle her with love and care.
So after many trials and errors I came to the conclusion that no matter how much I try to explain, there is a right time for everything. I have experienced this myself. Even I have been through this stage and age. We all have been. So I have decided that as a mother, yes I will fulfil all my aspects of guiding her about right and wrong, the rest is her choice and path. I am always there for her no matter what. She is my first child and with her I have spent many precious moments which these small things cannot take away.
As the great saying goes “Flow with whatever may happen, and let your mind be free: Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.”
So parents, mothers I am trying to follow this path. I find this much easier than getting frustrated at myself and my children. What about you?
See you soon with more of my experiences
Your suggestions are most welcome☺