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Motherhood inspires us all to be a better version of ourselves, for the love and sake of our children. But mothers are human too, although when it comes to our parenting we often feel embarrassed to accept our human side. We all want to be supermoms, in the eyes of our children and when possible, for everyone else too. My Little G is a year and half old and I absolutely love (s)mothering her with my love and attention, but hey, being a stay-at-home mom, there are not so lovey-dovey moments in our day and I want to say that all loud. Accepting the truth makes it easier to embrace the reality, doesn't it?
1. I don't enjoy playing with my kid (all the time).
Well, playing is the primary occupation of a toddler (along with whining) and wanting to be an encouraging and supportive mom, I try to play peek-a-boo for as long as I can, I try to jump and clap on the rhymes for as long as I can pretend to enjoy, but it really does get repetitive and boring after a while. So if I don't enjoy it or ask my Little G to play alone (which she flatly refuses to), am I not the awesome mom anymore..nah!
2. All that calmness in my demeanour is fake.
Okay, not everytime! I must get some credit here but yes, a lot of times.
If you have ever seen me with my daughter when she is having a meltdown or is trying to amuse me with one of her messy antics, you would probably be surprised by my uber cool attitude and patience. In reality, I feel like a ticking atom bomb waiting to explode. But beyond a point, you can't reason it out with a toddler so I try to imagine that nothing is happening to me and the moment shall pass soon. Fake it, till you make it, mommy!
3. My kid uses more technology than I would ever admit on your face.
The way my Little G uses the touchscreen phone, it amazes me. I secretly feel proud of her skills. The way she grooves on bollywood numbers, I find it really cute. But ofcourse, in the world of perfect everything that we are parenting, I should be embarrassed. Infact I once preached no screen time before 2, but I gave in..for my sanity. But, I am too exhusted to get into a debate here on allowed screen time, so let the number of hours we spend watching chuchu tv remain a secret!
4. I might seem to be lost in the moment with my kid, when am just spaced out.
This I like to believe is more out of exhaustion than boredom. Toddlers are amusing, entertaining and so much fun but when you have to be with one for 50 hours a day (it does feel like that very often), you can't help getting lost in some other space every now and then. It's just human!
5. I am not sure if I am always this Exhausted or often just plain Lazy.
I always try to find the energy and the drive to do things for my Little G. When she is up, am mostly running around or engaged (when not spaced out) even when sitting with her but the moment she goes off to sleep, I feel like the balloon from which all the air has been sucked out. All of a sudden and in an instant! I deflate and drop all my plans, hit the couch with food and TV remote. That's all I feel like doing for myself these days. Who says me-time has to be constructive anyways!
They say, the moments you have with your kids pass by really quick. They grow up in no time, so embrace each moment. Live each moment fully and smile a lot with your kids. I absolutely totally agree, but sometimes in the actual moment of parenting it all seems so hard. Its like you are struggling to stay on the top of the water, let alone enjoy the swim. But we shouldn't stop trying. There are days when I am way too imperfect, when I yell a bit too much than I like, when I love less and worry more, when I laugh a bit less than I would love to, when I feel so frustrated that I forget to enjoy my Little G's childhood only to regret it later in the evening. There are days when I am just a plain simple mom, not a supermom that I try to be. But I always know that am giving my best and the love my girl showers back on me reassures me that I have another chance to smile, love, live and (s)mother my girl as much as I want.