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Many a times I thought I would teach my daughter to never tell a lie but then I also wanted to teach her that in today's world sometimes it is unavoidable to lie. Sometimes one has to tell a lie and there is no escape. I wanted to teach her to always think about everyone's happiness but I also wanted to teach her that sometimes it is important to first think about ourselves before everyone else. How can I teach her two entirely contradicting things at the same time?
I want my baby to be always honest but I want her to be smart enough to teach a lesson to people who have been dishonest to her. I want her to never hurt anyone at the same time I want her to learn that if people are taking her goodness for granted then it is better to hurt them instead of getting used. This world is beautiful, but life is not always easy, it plays tricks, and so I want her to learn on her own. I don't think I am capable enough to teach her ways to live life.
Another fear that troubles me is that if I will try and teach this to my daughter would I be feeding her negativity? Would I be telling her that the world is bad? Would I be restricting her instincts to trust people? Would I be controlling her own perceptions and her identity?
And soon I realised that yes, there are chances that if I try to teach her how to lead life, I would be controlling her emotions, I would be controlling her growth as an individual. If I tell her never to lie she might face a problem that she could have avoided. If I tell her that sometimes it is important and unavoidable to lie, there are chances that she might use it to escape challenges in life.
Then what should I do? I think I should focus more on how I live my life, how I take decisions, How I treat people, how I judge and control my emotions because only then I would be able to let my daughter be free individual to choose her own way to live life. I have learnt from my mistakes and somewhere I want my baby to learn from her mistakes, I want her to try, I don't want her to give up something without even trying. I don't want to judge her right from the beginning inculcating a habit of being bothered by what people think of her.
Wrong or Right, I don't know. But I want my daughter to be fearless. Fearless of our society's judgements, fearless of people's opinions and fearless of accepting her fault when she falls down. I want her to remain unbothered when people judge her for her looks, for that beautiful birthmark that god has given her. I simply want her to learn how to make decisions as she grows, and if she fails, she should be brave enough to take the responsibility. This one thing she can learn only when she sees me doing so.
My words might not teach her the things that I want her to learn but my actions can definitely influence her. And if that is the case, I need to learn more about life to equip my daughter well as she grows up.
It is this quest in me to be fearless that I have named my daughter 'Abhitha' a name to Goddess Durga, a name that means fearless and I hope fearless she will always be.