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Long before I got married I received heavenly enjoyment by playing with a toddler. He used to spend some time with me daily. The duty-free enjoyment was really a bliss since at times when I ran out of creativity to keep him engaged my mother came to my rescue.
Now as I have stepped into a mother’s shoes there is nothing called duty-free but yes, having a baby really changed my entire world. After six months of euphoria at my mother’s place my entire self got a jerk as I embraced the role of a full time mother. Without any immediate help and having absolutely no idea how to carry out this Herculean task I was in a complete dilemma. Every moment I have to be alert and careful.
What and how shall I do?
Will I keep a babysitter?
Or a cook will do?
My mind got crammed with “what’s”, “how’s” and “if’s”. I realised that since thinking was doing me no good let me start as I feel like. Gradually and even today I am learning from experiences I am having everyday.
In the process I noted how I am changing. The very first thing I realised was carefully multitasking. Earlier too many tasks at the same time left me bewildered. Now I can do cooking and playing with my child or dusting together. A lazy person that I am, needless to say, I am trying creative and innovative ideas to finish my household chores as fast as I can.
A great advantage I noticed is I am reducing weight. An active baby turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I am on my toes for a major part of the day. Time for and quantity of eating and sleeping have shrunken. I am always in a hurry to do this or that. Coupled with all these is sudden holidays taken by my maid. All in all I am enjoying this great way of weight management.
Having a baby is giving great lessons of anger management. Even when I get angry I have to force myself to calm down because the toddler won't understand a single bit of scolding. From 6 months onwards it was hard to tame myself down. The process is on but diverting myself when I am all fire has helped me a lot. Now that he is 2 year old a serious and minor scolding is ok.
Oh! How I miss my sweet sleep! Post childbirth I am letting go off my sweetheart. Energetic and hyperactive that he is, my son hates sleep. Only when sleep overcomes him that he will surrender. In this fight, his poor mother has to stay awake. I fretted over it at the starting but now I have got conditioned to it. Although I miss my sleep, I don't lose my mind.
When I am talking about the child it should also throw some light on the husband-wife relationship. We miss ‘we’ time but that is accepted as we had decided to embark on this journey. Having a baby has made us strong, more savings-oriented, parents as we are learning to keep him as the first and most important priority of life. The marital discord is common but we try to forgive and forget, lest the tiny eyes and ears pick up an uneven and wrong note. In fact, we try to abstain from getting into arguments as much as possible. The heated environment is accepted in the cold winters but not throughout the year!
Did I forget to mention that I am becoming a perennial source of pure and unconditional love? Motherhood has taught him this virtue. Love has received a whole new definition for me. It has arrived with a fresh and aromatic bouquet of patience, kindness, sharing, sacrificing and forgiveness. How much the volcano is at the juncture of eruption seeing my son throwing tantrums or making unnecessary demands, the mother in me always diverts the volcanic eruption. Honestly, sometimes I do vent out my wrath but ‘chalta hai’ in this process of mummy hood. No one can ever be perfect.
I remember how heavy my school bag used to be. Now carrying water bottles along with other necessities of my baby don't seem so. A bag full of medicines, diapers, food items, dresses and baby goods, pushes aside my comb or a lipstick! I cannot complain of the heaviness and the burdensome and tiring traveling.
I am again forgetting to tell you how creative I have become in babysitting. Since no one comes to my rescue anymore nor is it possible living 2000 kms away from close ons, I have learnt to constantly engage my child doing something. I can finish my tasks and also attend to him at the same time. I have no scope of getting bored with my child. Even though at times when I want to stay alone I am always accompanied by my precious child.
I can now recognise nursery rhymes or songs more easily than one of my cherished soulful melodies. Even when I open YouTube for a do it yourself tutorial I automatically search for rhymes! Oh yes! I am penning down varied experiences online, all thanks to my little son.
From the shy and coy girl I am being transformed into an aggressive woman, ready to take up life as it unfolds. Although singlehanded work is tiring, utterly depressing, it always teaches me the biggest lessons of life.
Having a baby inside and outside of me has changed my entire being. Right from the day I became pregnant I had to become extra cautious about every move. I could not imagine a duty-free life anymore. He is two year old now and so is me. I am equally taking baby steps in motherhood. Sometimes pleasure coming from pain is indeed a blessing. A whole new horizon with new goals has opened up before me. I wish to continue this journey without bowing down to fears, doubts and misgivings.