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“Could you please show me a ‘small’ size for this dress?” Roshni asked the saleswoman of a renowned International clothing brand. The saleswoman who looked otherwise calm and composed suddenly appeared a bit baffled with Roshni’s appeal especially when she saw Roshni trying out the dress in the changing room. She gave a quick glance from head to toe and discovered that Roshni was a tad bigger for the ‘small’ size she requested. It was an expensive pink and white cotton dress and she looked so fond of it as if she was buying it for herself. To get more clarity, the saleswoman gathered courage and asked Roshni if the dress is for herself or someone else so that she can guide her on the size accordingly.
“Madam, are you buying this dress for someone?” she asked with a polite smile. Roshni felt offended but she pretended to be normal and replied, “Nope, it’s for me and I am looking for a ‘small’ size for this one; for the rest of them I have already found the sizes. The saleswoman quickly scanned through the other clothes Roshni was carrying with her to the trial room and to her surprise they were all ‘small’ size.
What was Roshni doing!! She was trying to fit in, fit in desperately and really hard into her own pre-loved clothes. She was suddenly feeling out of place, rather out of shape!
Roshni had retained all her pre-pregnancy clothes with the hope that she might fit into them one day. She was now a mother of a two year old toddler. Her schedule was such that anybody would have become a ‘size zero’ with that kind of intense cardio activity. Nope, we are not talking about an appropriate exercise regime but the rigorous rhythmic gymnastics one has to do when running after an active toddler all day and night. Despite of all this, she couldn’t lose those newly gained pounds to fit into her pre-pregnancy clothes.
Though she was a healthy and fit young woman, she just couldn’t get over her obsession with her past. Well, the past that we are referring to is nothing but her ‘size’. A few extra inches around her arms made it difficult for her old tees to slip through and a little more curves down her waist made it tough for her old pair of jeans to find their way up through. It was as simple as that!
But Roshni just couldn’t accept that reality. She was reluctantly living in denial. Day after day and then month after month, her hope of getting back to shape became a distant dream.
To rub more salt on her wound, a distant relative of Roshni send her a gift on her birthday. Any guesses what was it? It was a pretty sea-green colour puff-sleeves t-shirt and? And, the size was an ‘S’. Voila! The very sight of that piece of clothing broke Roshni’s heart into several pieces. She just couldn’t part ways with her ‘S’ size.
Roshni’s husband Rohan would see her suffer silently and struggle with the ‘size’ issue which might look silly to others but he understood her, he knew how difficult it was for her. He wanted to help her out of this but how? After a lot of contemplation, an idea struck him!
Roshni and Rohan were preparing for their beach vacation in the forthcoming week which called for some shopping. That day, Rohan on his way back home from office bought some clothes and toys for their toddler son. He excitedly entered home and called out Roshni. “Just come here and see what I have got for our munchkin, he is going to have a blast at the beach.” Hearing Rohan’s energized voice, Roshni came out of the room hurriedly. There was a lot of stuff lying on the sofa which added to her excitement. She gave a smile to Rohan and started unpacking the shopping bags.
Rohan could see the puzzled look on her face while browsing through the clothes and toys. “Are you kidding me baby? You have bought infant clothes, what on earth made you think that Sid is going to fit into these teeny-weeny clothes. They are really cute but he has grown into a tall and lean toddler now. Haven’t you noticed? And the toys! Baby rattles and teething toys? Sid doesn’t need them anymore. He has already grown out of that phase.” Roshni was very disappointed with Rohan’s ignorance about their toddler’s development. Rohan was calm all this while and just quietly listened to Roshni. He then came closer to her, held her in his arms and asked softly but very compassionately, “You also don’t need the ‘S’ size anymore. You have grown out of that phase. Accept it! Accept your new ‘M’, don’t be ignorant about it. You have to let it go, you have to move on. That’s part of you ‘growing up’!”
There were tears in Roshni’s eyes but they were tears of happiness and realization. She felt a certain kind of freedom, freedom from her own obsession. That day Rohan bought her a nice dress and it was an ‘M’ size. That day, Roshni met ‘M’ with a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. When she wore it, she looked beautiful but more than that, she felt beautiful.
It’s important to be fit and healthy but let us not be so rigid to retain a particular frame. Motherhood brings a lot of changes in women – physically, emotionally, psychologically and in many other ways. A lot of women have struggled and continue to struggle with those changes in the initial stages of motherhood. Accepting the change in us is also a part of growing up, it’s a developmental milestone we reach just as our little bundle of joy does.