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"I can't handle now, she is not eating anything but my milk". I spoke to hubby yesterday with one hand stretched to my lower back and other rubbing those growing lines on forehead. "So what are you waiting for, hire a nanny but take care of yourself and the baby. And learn to handle baby like a baby not like a elderly one." And he left for the office. I sat for couple of minutes as usual and tried to fill up my mind and strengthen my muscles again. Before I think further, I had to try finishing the bowl I made for her.
Managing all alone really toss you up and with baby's behaviour and mood swinging every time, it's seems like unending journey. Weeks before that was not my worry but something else. As she is growing up, my wishes too changes and this time I strive to sharpen her eating habits and implement weaning. I remember how some of family and friends member talked about introducing bottle atleast once in a day so that baby gradually learn to drink other milk too. But we were quite affirmative about feeding her with breastmilk only and bottle was something we never tried. Today I don't remember how many times I have sanitized her bottle and even tried through bowl and spoon but seems she is not yet ready. And yes thank to google, I do try with different spoons, colourful bowl, mixed variety and all series of 'Chu-chu TV' but results are not satisfactory ( perhaps not as per the levels suggested by the doctor). It's been nearly months only that I started her food, but a mother is not happy if the results are not adequate!
I'm not working at present but don't judge me about why I'm not interested. Yes I love the bonding we share in those cuddling moments but I fear about her eating habits and the diet essentials her body needs now. No matter how much she ate, but she will rest upon breastmilk at the end . Now I want little my time especially when we are travelling or dining out and you want freedom to go the restroom and lift up. Every time I'm out of home, I have to plan about what If she will cry for my milk and there remained a clock tickling in my mind. I really give up and become harsh in my words but then soft-motivating words by my sweet hubby led me not to give up. And I push myself again. I thought a lot to hire a nanny who can try and handle but even I'm not comfortable with someone else feeding her with unhygienic hands or half-filled desire. These are my moments and I will not stop trying. My mother laughs on these conversation and tickles that I did the same thing during my childhood and you better learn to live with these tantrums! My MIL gently heal me to not worry but try different things with ease.
With every passing day, I feel grateful to my mother who has faced all our tantrums but ensured to inculcate right habit at the tight time of our life. I feel grateful for their love, perseverance and the patience she bestowed on us. God, give me strength to cool down my mind. May be I'm thinking a little much. I wonder how 8 months have passed and few things started on their own, probably someday she will be delighted to eat those kheer, shakes and daal-chawal but that day I might have some other pains. These things will never end, one thing after another. Well I must say,motherhood stretches you from top to bottom and you need serious experimentation. One day we will surely succeed:)
P.S. Ya, she loved that pinch of ice-cream I tried tasting her. My fault, she is not liking anything else:P