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It was 9:50 A.M. 30th July 2013 ,hospital's ICU ward was going to open for visitors for an hour's time. Visiting him in the ward for an hour was my daily routine now,even after that I couldn't gather courage to enter as usual and see him lying on bed in immense pain with so many medical equipments inserted, still manage smiling. The bright lights , incessant beeping of machines punctuated by wailing alarms and rythmic rasp of ventilator - that is what ICU is.
My only brother ,27 younger to me and bright in every aspect of life .Be it studies,be it games,singing,dancing. Though he achieved so many things in such a small age yet he was so grounded and well behaved that he became iconic personality to talk for. A software engineer by profession but hard core cricket fan he was the Champ in school , college and in his office competitions.
Sitting on hospital's staircases daily I dwelled into past that how we use to fight and support in each and every other time ,how we argued on some small things and then laughed like crazy ,how being elder I always act as protective sister and used to threaten his classmates who were one class junior to me for not teasing or eating tiffin of my little brother as he was shy in childhood , then how we studied hard to get better marks in exams and later fought over and then partied ,how he left home for his engeering course for a very good college which was in other city ,how excited I was everytime to see my brother coming back ,how mumma spent hours in kitchen to prepare all his favourite dishes,how he got placed in a reputed MNC for which only 2 could qualify from his batch,how everytime he managed to visit home on Rakshabandhan when he was in India ,how he flew to U.S. from his first company in such a short time after joining and those daily ISD calls for hours to ask how much water should he put in daal,rice since the only thing he could manage to prepare was tea and Maggie,how we went to recieve him from Delhi airport when he was back from U.S. with his favourite dishes which he missed alot during his abroad assignment,how he motivated me after daddy's death to start something new and join a new company ,how he surprised me on Birthday... everything..
He was the person who was perfect in every true sense, with a list of good friends he always loved to get in touch with all his relatives and mates whether from school , college or previous organisations.
While I was walking through memory lane Nurse called up my name "Visitor for Bed number 9 Abhishek Gupta" , the nurses on duty recognised me well by now.Entering in I used to scare hell out of me. Though doctors were giving me assurance of improvement in his condition yet I couldn't feel it the same way. Initially it was his voice which was giving me some sort of relief to convey something to my mother praying and waiting for me to get some positive news about his son but with every day passing by his condition got worse .I remember his words after doctor's recommendation to admit him in ICU ,he said "chinta mat kar ,mein itni jaldi marne wala nahi hoon" to someone who couldn't even tell his own name even after asking so many times by the doctor on visit that day.I remember one day when nurse was putting oxygen mask on his face he pulled it up so badly that two of his drips got detached from his hand and blood spilled all over the sheet he was lying on, I cried like anything for hours , spent so many sleepless nights praying God for a miracle to happen. And then that day came when doctor and nurse said that they need to operate him immediately since fluid is increasing in his brain and they had to remove it by 'Shunting'( it's a hole which allows movement of fluid from one body part to another) for which the hospital staff took our consent and asked me and my mother to see him as they were not sure what will happen after surgery. Multiple CT scans and and blood samples had been done ,they shaved his head and put cotton balls on his eyes and taped it since he was not able to close his eyes.I got a call at 12:00 in night from hospital saying that " Your patient's condition has become critical" and in morning during our daily visit in ICU ward they told us that pulse is going down and after half an hour's time doctor confirmed that we can take the body of patient.
It was 4th August 2013 ,two weeks before Rakshabandhan,you left your sister who couldn't protect you when you were fighting to life all alone , a mother for which her son was the biggest support in old age when her husband had already left 2 years ago. I don't know how many times I cried while writing this .I still search for my brother, still search for my support system ,my bestest friend and our proud possession. I wish we could stop the time , I wish we had a spell stick so that we bring you back from the place you are today.But Mumma and me somehow still fighting our inner self and trying to accept the fact that you are no more with us,there is not even a single day when we don't think about you ,wherever you are please shine as you always did....
But whatsoever your sister will always search for her little brother and her Rakhi will always search for you Bhai....