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I left sharp at 7:00 am, half an hour earlier than my regular schedule. I had to go for a blood test ritual before I left for work. Yes, I call it a ritual because I keep doing it religiously every month. It is common for someone who is on a treatment for infertility.
Unlike other times, I was absolutely calm. I could watch the technician draw blood from my vein without feeling a twitch in my heart. After all months of doing the same thing makes you get used to it. Probably I was calm because I knew I was not going to get time to be anxious awaiting result of this test because it was going to be an extremely demanding day at work.
The day at work started exactly as I had expected. Lot of emails to address and a long to-do list. I was happy that the work was occupying my mind and hence diverting me from the anxiety of test result.
As soon as I was going to take the first bite of a sandwich (that's all I could manage for a lunch because of time shortage), my phone beeped. That was when I realized that I hadn't got a chance to check personal emails and messages since morning. What do i see? A message from the pathology lab telling me that the report has been emailed to me.
I became nervous, anxious, excited, all at the same time. I couldn't wait to see what the report stated. I took a deep breath, prayed to the God and opened the PDF attachment.
Crap! It said NEGATIVE. It means I was not pregnant. As excited as I was to check this report, i closed it as calmly and continued with my lunch. The result managed to bring a little dismay but didn't stop me from continuing my routine with a balanced emotional state. After all, it was not the first time! I was used to it by then.
Nevertheless, it didn't dampen my spirit of trying all over again. I have an appointment with the doctor in the next week in order to plan my next cycle which could be a success, who knows?
You may want to read my about my pregnancy failure experience here - My Babies Whom I Could Never See!
P.S: Do not feel sad for me or for yourself (in case you are going through the same), God is waiting for the right time yet. He is making the best baby for us :)