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On a Sunday evening, when I watched Dhoni the Biopic with my 5 year old daughter who was quite disinterested and continuously insisting, “Movie kab khatam hogi mumma,…kab khatam hogi (when will the movie end?)”, there came the last climax when everyone in the crowd shouting “Dhoni Dhoni slogans”,…to the memorable moment when India won the match with Dhoni’s six. I excitingly clutched my daughter and said, “baby, this was the moment when Mumma went to the hospital to get you in this world.” She looked at me puzzled, excited….Matlab Mumma? Ok, let me explain. I completely forgot I was in the theatre watching the film with my family. I was more excited to explain my daughter about her birth. So I continued. “Baby, when your sister was born last year, we went to the hospital to bring her, right”? Yes that’s right Mumma. “So similarly when we were watching this world cup five years back, the moment India won the match, we packed our bags to leave for the hospital.” I showed her the exact moment when we left. “When team India took the victory lap with Tendulkar on their shoulders, that’s when we left from home”. She got so excited to know that. “Can I tell this to all my friends Mumma”, she asked me innocently? “Definitely baby, you should”, came my instant reply.
This brought me back to that day, 2nd April’2011, when I started feeling uneasy in the morning. I spoke to my sister and remember telling her, “God can’t be so unreasonable with me. I have to watch the world cup final, I can’t miss it for anything”. But God stayed kind and he let me watch the final match….:). Next day, when my little angel was born, the moment I took her in my arms, I realized I have won my world cup trophy. After few days, I remember IPL started but it lost all its charm for me. I only remember how I learned to change nappies, or give her burps, or sing lullabies to her...I had completely forgotten what cricket was. I could now laugh at myself for feeling what I felt early in the morning on April 02nd. ..:) I could proudly say this was the first change I felt after having a baby.
Before baby, I had a very different attitude towards life. I believed in living life to the fullest. I would go out every weekend, watch every movie in the theatre, meet friends for coffee and lunch, do shopping every once in a while, visit parlours at my leisure, life was nearly perfect.
After the baby, life took a 360 degree turn. Going out would mean doctor visits, or taking daughter to the park, watching movies had only become a talk of the past time, meeting friends meant meeting them with their kids for play dates, parlour visit was not even talked about but I thought barring few initial months, my life was still nearly perfect.
I had changed from a carefree person to a responsible parent. But I think that’s for my betterment. I grew as an individual and I embarked the next stage of my life. I enjoyed my daughter’s nuisances every day. I would hardly get time to think about how my life had even changed. She kept me completely busy. I would be amazed or rather zapped by her unexpected questions. Questions like, why I am not there in your wedding album? Or how was I born? I’d explain her by telling that you were safe in the sky as a star. You came in our world only when God got happy with us. When god got happy, they gave you to us and that’s how you were born. She was amazed with that….She still thinks children are born when God gets happy with our mothers…
We were so sure we didn’t want another child. One child was more than enough. She was the apple of our eye. With our hectic life schedule, we thought we couldn’t find time to raise another child. Then came those days when I would take my toddler to park or to a friend’s place and she would envy the other children with siblings. My daughter was always shy, so she wouldn’t take the first step to mingle with other children. That’s why she felt all the more lonely.” I don’t have anyone to play with”, she would complain. “You play with me but get tired so soon. I want a company who could play with me the whole day”. I didn’t know what to do… I think it was god’s grace or what, but I soon discovered I was pregnant again. Since this was unplanned, I didn’t know what to do. I just sat down to speak with my daughter. I told her, that it seems god has got happy with us. But this time, god has not only got happy with me but also with you and that is why we are both going to have a baby. She was elated, she was completely elated. I told her not to break this news to anyone. She asked me with her tender smile, “can I share this with Daadi”. I gave her my consensus. She broke the news in the house and everyone was excited and happy about it. I was still not sure what to do but my daughter’s happiness had no boundaries. She would wait for a day when she could share this news with all her friends and dear ones. I still remember how she cared for me during those nine months. How she would tell the rickshaw puller, “uncle, please ride slow. My momma is carrying my little baby”. Or how she would ensure I take all my medicines on time. From a careless toddler, she was transiting to a responsible sibling. I enjoyed this phase with her. Then came my younger daughter and life changed once again. I always thought having another child would mean a complete end of my own personal space. But I realized only then that I was anyways not left with any ‘me’ time. She found her space on her own. Now when I see my elder daughter playing, cuddling with her younger sister, I feel so content. This contentment could not be replaced with any freedom I could have dreamt of without kids.
I agree my life has changed but I am very happy to say that it has changed for better. I could feel those feelings that cannot be defined in words. Before my children, I had never felt an unconditional love for anyone. I had never experienced how it fills your stomach when your children finish their meals. I had never felt more excited about anyone else’s birthday than my own. These feelings are obviously accompanied by many hardships I face but if weigh the two, I think those feelings take a heavy load…….:)with this note I wish all the luck to all the new mothers out there….go on, enjoy the feeling!!!!