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We normally hear our adults tell us that we should develop independent heroes from our children. We also hear them say prepare them for transition, transition from old to new, from a child to adult, from unmarried to married, from married to with kids, from citizen to senior citizen…the list goes on endlesslessly. Who or how one gets prepared for such transition? Does it start when a child enters teenage or when he or she is 18, ie when they are legally adult? As a woman, we have also transformed maybe for better or worse….
When it comes to children, they also face this transition in different ways. They also need to be independent to take on this transition with a positive attitude. We as their parents should also start preparing them for their transition as early as we can. We got to make sure we are nurturing independent individuals who take responsibility for their actions.
I remember this one incident of mine, my five year old daughter came to me crying, that her sibling, my younger daughter aged 1 year hit her. I asked her, what you want to do now? She said I want to hit her too. I said, alright do that. Everyone in my family was surprised what I was advising her. But my elder daughter hit her…but very softly so that my younger daughter was not really hurt. I knew my elder daughter is matured for her age and she wouldn’t like really hit her sister so bad. But she was satisfied she did what she wanted. That’s what I want. I want them to create their own bonds on their own terms. They may fight, they may love, they may do anything they like. Its their life, its their relationship with each other, I do not want to mend things for them.
I know that when I let my daughter fight with my toddler, I do put them at risk, but I like to risk this for a better future tomorrow. The bond that the two of them will create with this will be something that they and I will always cherish. Yesterday, the two of them were fighting over a cycle which both wanted to ride. My elder daughter was sitting on the cycle and the younger one was crying. Finally, my elder daughter got up from the cycle and told her, fine I won’t sit. But I won’t let you sit too. She told me, Mom don’t let her sit and I obeyed. Then my toddler started crying even more but I didn’t come to her rescue, but in the process she banged her head and hurt herself a little. My elder daughter immediately alerted me, mom please check on her, she’s hurt, do check on her, but don’t make her sit on the cycle. I loved the fact that inspite of her fights, she still cared for her little sister. That’s what I call a bond, sister’s bond!!!
I am sure in this circle of life, we all will face tough situations maybe where we may not know solutions, but the fact that we have people around apart from our spouses give us some strength to face these situations. We have also built up such bonds for life, we have also transitioned to adults where we know we could face any situation. Help your children build such bonds so that they could also be confident facing any situation in the world.