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Today was a Long Day.. POST VACCINATION SYNDROME.. Wooof.
Oh no.. not that my daughter troubles me. Not at all. She is an angel. Just that when she is out of her comfort zone, it’s hard for her to adjust. After all its only been 110 days since she has joined us in this world. It’s all together a new place for her. And me being an “over- protective mom”, I try not to let her cry much. Not that it helps a lot, she does what she wants in the end. (Good to know that she has her preference and individuality).t I try to attend to all her cries, and hugs her when ever possible, carries her around if requires, or now I try to go by her lead. It does cause certain physical trouble. But I love it mostly because she loves it. The time I am with her, I want to give her all the possible love, care and everything. Just as much as I didn’t want to be a mom in reality, I don’t want to give her to anyone else. I fear, they are going to run away with her. Also , I hate outsourcing my job and anyone interfering with it. (SO beware if you want to pour out some advises,it better be logical and well substantiated) But must say, this behaviour makes certain things hard
That’s when I came across this remark “You are going to spoil her”. That got me thinking, is it possible for me to spoil her with my love? And if it all I do, will I make her a brat? Will I regret it? That took me to my childhood days. And funny thing is, I was crazily spoiled by my mom and luckily or fortunately that didn’t make me a brat. It only made me sensitive, confident and happy. (oh well, at least that’s what I think. I don’t how people would define me)
SO I was wondering, if “pampering” is likely to spoil a child. Well then truth is , IT WONT. Pampering is not the cause of a spoilt brat. Rather, it is our carelessness. If we hug our LO a bit too much or kiss them a little more, they are not going to be a brat. They will only grow up to be stronger, sensible and more confident. Moreover, they wouldn’t go out looking for it. Lack of it tends to create a vacuum, which they try to fill. (Then don’t blame friends, drugs, etc)
SO how do we love? That’s a interesting question. It’s not just about physical presence, but about QUALITY presence. How well we spend time with them. It’s about the fact that they find strength in us and being with us gives them a sense of positivism and energy to face the day.
I love to get my baby stuff, both necessary and not so necessary.. Just as much as I hated shopping, now shopping for her is my new hobby. And the fact is, I feel as if I haven’t done enough. And I don’t intend to replace objects for my time with her. It’s just that nothing seems to be enough to cover my princess. I wish to fulfil all her dreams and desires, but not by compromising her discipline. so how do I intend to do that? it's easier to identify few commons errors and avoid those..
Few common mistakes seen in the name of “Disciplining” are :
Try to fulfil their childhood desires as they are not going to young for long. Before you know, they would have outgrown it. Teach them values along the way. Just because you fulfil their desires, you don’t spoil them.
Even if you want to scold them, let them know what has bothered you. Be specific about the misbehaviour and provide the alternative
2. Lack of Confidence in them
If we don’t trust them or be their confidence, who else will be? And if some else is, isn’t that our failure? We teach them responsibility, in Love. We teach them life, in Love. Let them make mistakes, just be their back bone. Teach them to fail faster so that can stand up faster. Teach them from their failure than criticising them and holding on to it.
“When you were in 4th Standard, you did that.. How can I trust you now?” to a child in 12th grade!!! Duh.. Don’t you realise that the kid has grown up. Leave the past behind and move on. The maturity level of a 8 year old kid and 17 year old kid is entirely different. IF we are to keep judging them such thing, you are being immature.. Parents GROW UP
3.Fails to Stand up for Them
What I have constantly observed is , when the child is criticised by a 3rd party, parents tend to support the 3rd party. Es Why so? Remember, the 3 rd person will go away, for your child, it is just you. SO remember, whatever correction, you want to make, let it be behind the closed doors and not in front of the public. That is likely to kill the self- respect of the child. Your confidence in them is their confidence in them-self. Stand up for them, whenever necessary and also teach them to stand for their conviction in GRACE.
Oh please …, DON’T ever do that. Front birth till … whenever… NEVER EVER COMPARE. Inspiring is different from Comparing. And make sure , you do it right. One simple failure is sufficient to kill their individuality. Remember, marks and academics is not a criteria judge a person. Each person and child is an individual. An Horses baby is a pony and not a puppy. So Don’t try to make a pony into a puppy. Please.
5.So called “busy” life
No life is too busy to take time away from your family. It’s all about priority. Remember to be in a place where you are not replaceable and that’s family. Even if you are working parents: be there for your child. It’s not about QUANTITY of time.. But QUALITY of time.(Exclusive time for a conversation)
6. Over Protectiveness:
Be protective, but NEVER be over protective. Encourage them to take their own decision. Teach them to evaluate the pros and cons of the decision. And even if it against our personal conviction, after a age, let them be. That is our real test of parenting. TO see if our children would take the right decision and if we have trained them right. Letting them go is our confidence in our parenting more than the confidence in their ability to decide.
Above all…. Just Take the time out of your busy schedule to give a little extra hug, extra kisses , and shower your little one with all the love possible. Don’t worry about spoiling them. Love cannot spoil anyone but carelessness can. Try to know the individuality in your child and develop THEIR skills, rather than imposing yours on them. Inspire, motivate and teach them while they are young so that they don’t depart when they are old. The unconditional love and time spend will definitely be paid off
So what yea waiting for; Go tell you tiny ones how much you love them.. Tell them, even if the world turns against them, you will be there for them.. That confidence can surely take them to heights unimaginable.
REMEMBER TO DO IT WITH A TIGHT HUG AND LOOONG KISSSSS.