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Building the bond
It took me a good eleven years to actually understand the in and out of my mother in law (MIL). Alot of struggle, a lot of ups and downs but in the process we happened to become good friends.
At first it was the same old misery of not being able to convince her that "I" am not bad. It took a while before she realized that I am a Sagittarius, a bit abrupt and honest about my feelings and adamant too. She was good to the good and good to the bad also and me, I was good to good and bad to bad. I couldn't accept wrong things easily but she could mould the worst of things also into the good!
Moral : Give your relationship some time. Don't loose your cool ever, even though you know you are not at fault. Don't give advice. Try to observe her likes and dislikes.
What I learnt
I learnt alot from my mother in law in these past few years. For example "The Art of manipulation" - helps in maintaining good relationships with the "Good and the Bad". "How to cook" for unexpected guests who land up for dinner or lunch and their's nothing in your fridge. I also learnt the art of welcoming unexpected guest at unexpected hours.
Moral : Manipulation is a harsh term but can do wonders when relationships are concerned. Dealing with relatives is about being a good manipulator (in the right sense). Cooking can make you miss a heartbeat especially when you have nothing at home, but you can quickly make fast things like paneer (homemade), potatoes, paranthis, eggs, etc which don't come to our mind instantly. Give it a thought.
Being what she is - I noticed that she is the most respected person in the family in her side as well as her in-law side. Now that's an achievement. Being without her husband for over thirty years her in laws are still in touch with her and respect her and vice versa. She is the most trusted and most wanted lady in both sides of the families.
She has alot of flaws, like we all do,too but over all other things they deserve to be ignored when one sees only her positive side!
Moral : Its important to see how others perceive of her. What are the qualities about her which others like. Maybe it will bring out some positivity. Food for thought!
What Good she sees in me
I being I, friendly, organized, timely disciplined it took me a while to adjust into the Punjabi household but I am doing a great job at it and till date never had a tiff with my MIL. She respects me today for my honesty, accustomed change in my acceptance of the family, and my values. She gets inspired by the way I bring up the kids with so much discipline.
My mother in law understands that I am able to take care of the household and hence doesn't interfere with the day to day activities. Instead, she stays busy in her own world of religious activities, her daughters family who lives close by, her kitties, etc.
Moral : She doesn't hate you. She will not tell you what she likes about you especially if she has a daughter who is also the same age as you, but in her heart of hearts she appreciates you for your good qualities and it reflects in the way her friends talk to you or her relatives talk to you.
Though she being my mother in law, I started to share with her my feelings related to alot of issues. Things about my life before marriage, my relationship with her son, my desires, my needs, my brothers, my parents, just about everything and we soon became friends and she also shared everything with me! I guess building the relationship is just about accepting and giving and it takes you places!
Moral : Being positive in any relationship helps so stay there and you'll be rewarded for your patience and understanding. Trust me!