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After being with him day in and day out for 1 year and three months precisely, I had finally decided that I will have to get back to work. Being a duty doctor, I had the comfort of choosing the shift that would suit our family’s lifestyle. I chose the night shifts as it would give my husband the time to work in the morning.
I was excited about my new job, for it had been long since I was apparently “idle” at home and a change of place was much needed for my mood. The timings were from 6 in the night to 8 in the morning every alternate day. I asked for fifteen days for joining, and the whole fifteen days, I felt so happy and elated. Frankly speaking, though being a stay at home mom is comfortable at some level, at a few levels, being a stay at home mom feels unrewarding, tiring and depressing.
The whole daily routine of waking up and looking after the kid, 24 * 7 gets to your mood. From being the bubbly and talkative girl I was, I became short tempered and depressed. A job was much needed in the circumstances. I went out shopping for my new job, told everyone about it and in general, the prospect of a job itself elated my mood.
Fifteen days passed and it was the first day of my job. I woke up early, settled things at home and waited for my husband to come home so that I could leave. He had told me that he would drop me at the hospital along with my son. My son was always a daddy's boy and thus, I knew that he would enjoy the time I was at the hospital with his dad. They get on really well; sometimes much to my chagrin, but nevertheless, it was an advantage, as it was easier for me as my son was not entirely dependent on me.
My husband came home at 5 and we started for my hospital. My son and I played in the car, I was trying to teach him all the modes of transport and he stuck up on calling all the vehicles as buses. After a half hour ride, we reached the hospital. I told my husband and son bye and started walking towards the hospital. After I took a few steps, I looked back at my son to wave bye to him again but froze midway of a wave by looking at his face.
I always thought that my son never considered me his favorite; that only my husband mattered to him. He cried always to go to his dad, he cried for his dad in sleep and he would eat really well only if his dad would feed him. Because of all that, I hardly thought that he would actually be much affected by me going to work. But, clearly I was wrong.
There he was, my little boy, looking from the car at me, with eyes so sad, an upturned half-moon curve on his lips and tears brimming from his eyes. He was the saddest he had ever looked and he was looking at me as if he could not believe I was leaving him. That is when I realized that he never showed his favoritism to me because he thought that I was just a part of him always by his side.
For the first time, he realized on the day of my work, that I was not a part of him, but I was someone like dad who would go and come too. I rushed back to him and wailing at the top of his tiny voice he climbed hungrily onto my shoulders. He kept sobbing into my shoulders and kept hugging me tightly. Tears rolled down my cheeks. We stayed that way for a good few minutes, and suddenly I did not understand why I was doing this job.
My little boy wanted me, what would I gain by going back to work leaving him at home? I wanted to give up right then and get back home, but my husband was adamant. He told me that it was natural to miss my son and that he would take care of our son and I was not to worry. Finally forced to go, I went to the hospital. I could hardly concentrate on my work, I missed my son terribly, I kept looking at his photos and I kept waiting for the time I would be back with him.
After much waiting, it was finally time to go home and I rushed home as fast as I could. He was still asleep when I went home, I freshened up and lay beside him looking at his angelic face. Never had I missed him so much in my life, never had I missed ‘anyone’ so much in my life. After some time he slowly opened his eyes. With a look of extreme melancholy he rolled on to my side and hugged me silently. I was moved.
How was it possible to be loved so much by someone so small? His hug told me how much he missed me! Though I continued to work, I really did miss staying back at home with him and having him for myself for the whole day every day. I know that once I got back to work, things were never going to be the same between me and my son, because now, he will get used to staying without his mama for hours together. It’s a strange loss to not have him so dependent on me, but nevertheless it made him miss me, and his missing me gave me the automatic perks of extra hugs and extra kisses and all those lovely extras.
I go to work, reminding myself that I will come back to his beautiful smile and his loving hug and that makes it easier to go to work and stay without him. The first day I went to work will be the day I will never forget as it actually showed me how much my son loves me, how crazily and how much! I love you, my little boy. Thank you for loving me so much.
Here is a cute little video of a mom and dad explaining their day with their typical day with their daughter. Can relate so much to it. Cheers to parenthood!
Image Credit: Management Issues