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She is my friend, but we talk no more, she was my friend, but she is still there and has a long healthy life ahead... god bless her... She is my ex-friend... excuse me, no way.. she is 'was-my-friend'! how about that? This is the story of friendships that fray in the seams... Once upon a time, long long ago, I was naive enough to think that, she either is my friend or she is not, there is nothing besides that. To begin with, there are so many long lost friends... oh but they are just lost in time, they have not ceased to be friends. This piece is about friends with cold scowls, who never remain friend anymore. The favourite trinkets that break irreparably, yet we keep its pieces in a plastic pouch, for old time's sake.
Am I guilty of the 'was-my-friend' syndrome too? I am not certain, do we always know who and how we hurt? We only know who hurt us and how. I can never be certain of how I have hurt others. I don't know how it frizzles and frail. One fine day you just know... Probably because you moved on, probably because you did not.
Friends are like genie who come out of the magic lamp, in all shapes and forms. Sometimes a confidante, sometimes an empathiser, sometimes a partner in crime, sometimes companion in misery, sometimes an inspiration, sometimes even a secret adversary... no matter which shoe the friend fits, she is indeed a great company to have. They don't care enough for you, to have to give up on you, but they never let you give up on yourself. Not always because they want it that way, but by nature it's just their presence that causes it. And just like the genie they disappear. They are parallel worlds... their paths don't normally cross with yours. They just stay in their own orbits that happen to be parallel to your's. There is no commitment, friends can disappear in thin air and resurface like a genie as often as they wish. They are the angels in our lives who hold our hands and make us stand up, stop us from falling, but eventually they move on from there, some never to be found, some never to show the same friendship as they did yesterday.
A lot of time friendship simply falls apart. I know that feeling when it strains. It can be something so small that one forgets the reason. Whatever the reason the damage is done! Its probably passage of time, probably passage of experiences, a sudden revelation from the past, a realisation of something... If you are a person who measures friendship in how much its worth, surely and certainly you will grow out of every friendship you have ever had and you ever will have. If you put an equation to friendship, the answer at the end is always zilch. Because there are no equations to friendship.
I have learnt it the hard way, so I will not be surprised if ghosts of the past reappear and bring back many hurt souls before me, which I crumbled. And therefore I no more complain about those who hurt me either. Whether it is silent treatment or complete denial of my presence or cold stares, whatever it is from that 'was-my-friend', I bless them and move on. Because we are indeed parallel worlds, there is not much to be gained from crossing paths, to fathom the reason for the change... If someone really cared she would certainly speak up and try to resolve the issues that bother her, not just offer hurt for a hurt, with inexplicable behaviour. A silent treatment, to my mind, is a way to unfathomably hurt someone. One who resorts to it towards me, is certainly not my well wisher, no matter how much I value her. So good wishes to such persons, I own up to my erroneous ways, but I have no balm for your aching heart... And indeed those broken trinkets lie in delicate corners of my soul, with a will of their own. For try as I might to keep them in lead boxes, they show up unintended and leave moments of disquiet... That's alright, they are valuable... aren't they?