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By today you have completed 50. To say in other words the relationship between you and me is nearly 32 years. Amazing...But when I think back, I fear how much I have understood you all these years is a big question in my mind. I have hurted you "n" number of times for so many reasons. But I would say it all came out since I felt that you have failed bitterly in your life. You failure has given me so many pain. When I go back to your life I can feel that there is no fault in you. You came to dad's house at the age of 18. As like everyone, you carried so many dreams and hopes for you and wanted to turn the house to a home with your love and faith for life. But what you saw there was a fire, a war field. To say directly, a domestic violence. As a married women now, now I understand how much you would have felt when your dreams got shattered, when your wings were broken. You were made to get accustomed in the so called "Jungle" all these years fearing the society and the reason of you having 3 girl children and their future.
I personally feel you have had your life otherwise if you would have understood the life in a better way. You have failed to explain yourself in a way in which they will accept and understand you. Mom, what you have taught us to be is what you have not done in your life. Why??? I know what you are thinking you. Why am I digging all the debris now?? Whenever we cross the garbage van, the odour makes us to so uncomfortable. The thoughts have the same odour. Mommy, I know how much you got hurt all these years and it is unexplainable. But why don't you give a second thought at least now. Just throw all the debris out of your mind and give the way for pleasant smell in your life. I know for sure you are going to be for 100 healthy years and I wish you to decide on how you have to be for the rest of years, after all you are only 50 now...I really fear if you might die as a slave only. Mamma, I'm not saying that now you have to rebel and attack everyone with your speech or any actions. But turn whatever made you to worry to your comfort, your happiness. See the world in a different way in which you have not seen it before...Let it go....Do not hesitate to ask whatever you need and please try to say "No" to things that you cannot accept. Be it your kids as well. In this busy world running behind life, I may forget what you really need and I really confess for it. But I'm really helpless mamma. You are my mother and have all the rights to stop me and ask whatever you want in life. After all I came to this world because of you and will be happily wholeheartedly do it for you..
Tell me mom, for how many years are you going to wear a saree which you do not like, to be a house maid alone in all your daughter's function???? This world is so mean ma. If you are going to be like this forever they will bury you alive. Please wake up. I have heard that you will never come out without "make up" before marriage. But whenever I remind you, I can only see the uncombed hair and the untidy clothes that you wear, You just stopped caring for you. You just stopped loving you ma. Please take care of yourself. You will feel confident. I know you would say, "I don't have time for all these". NO. You have to search your time around the clock. Do not think why all these after so many years. Before you die, you must win everyone who have defeated you and everyone should get astonished seeing your transformation. Please ma, I want you to be authoritative and confident at least once in your life...Your daughters want to see you as "You". Ma, though we are winning the world, your defeat is ours. We are not able to breathe whenever we think of you. Ma, it is paining...the wound is bleeding.. I wish Almighty has to give you all the strength for your reborn. Please remember you too have a spinal chord...Make it straight atleast once in your lifetime.. Waiting to see you as "You". Happy birthday Mommy....