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Having a baby is Happiness, a Ritual, or a Choice!!!
Since last two years I’ve been thinking about having a child and adding a new member to our family of three, my husband, my 4 legged baby (dog), and me. Yes, we three are a family and honestly we aren’t that incomplete. My husband is 34 and I’m 32, married from last 5 years and till date my husband is not much interested with the idea of having our own baby (it's got nothing to do with our careers), we both like stress-free life & we are not crazily fond of babies, just normally affectionate towards them; however we love animals a lot. Even I’m not 100% sure that I need a baby or just want it. Baby thing keeps coming and going in my mind and doesn’t stay for long. Whenever I see an update by my friends on Facebook about being blessed with a baby, I just think everybody is having a baby and just not us, is that okay or not, are we losing out on something very important? Some strange thoughts ponder like, how people presume us, are we doing good with our lives, what’ll happen after few more years, old age and loneliness etc.
Thankfully in-laws and relatives are not that nosy and doesn’t interfere much but my friends do tell that I should seriously think about having a baby and as per them I’ll be a great mom because I love my 4-legged like mad and she has made me a mom in every sense. When my friends discuss about their kid’s school achievements or cute things, I just feel like wish I had something similar to share but then this feeling doesn’t stay for long. Frankly, we’ve never tried seriously for a baby until now and many won’t believe but I’ve met gynaecologist just once in my life that too for an infection way back before my marriage. I’m a horribly painfully shy person when it comes to visiting a gynaecologist, for any internal/external discussions, forget check-up; also I’m a phobic regarding this whole pregnancy process. Since, my teenage years I just don’t understand how women go through all this so bravely. A life growing inside my body with numerous hormonal changes and complexities, this whole idea makes me faint. Listening to the experiences of my friends makes me crazy. I’ve read a lot about pregnancy from the nurturing sweet experiences to the scary ones, just to gather some knowledge, some motherly feelings, and courage. And now after almost 2-3 years, I’ve come to the conclusion that now if I want our own baby, I should dive straightaway and jo hoga dekha jayega. The more I’ll read the more I’ll get confused and scared and won't plan for it. Frankly, my husband doesn’t understand that why I’m planning for a baby when I’m terribly scared about this whole thing and how I’ll manage those 9 difficult months, when I’m so much scared of injections and pain and god forbid if something happens to me, he doesn’t understand why I’m taking so much pressure when we’re pretty happy. Even I don’t know why I want it, we are not scared/bothered of society but still something is there, is it that peer/friends pressure? Want to look/live like normal people? Sometimes I feel guilty that I’m unlike other brave women who easily get pregnant, go through all the pain, and give birth to cute babies and gift angels to their husband and family, I feel really bad and sorry for my husband and family, though he feels that I’m an idiot to think like this. We very well know that marriage and having baby is not a party, that everybody is having it so we should also jump into it; instead it is a huge lifelong responsibility. But, as per the normal routine life, schooling, college, job, marriage, and kids is the perfect flow chart like a ritual and when you try to break this, you feel like an abnormal because you’re doing something different from the whole world, sometimes people make you feel so wrong (call selfish), so peculiar, like some aliens. Raising a child means lot of sacrifices, life changes upside down. Presently we’re living a very comfortable happy life with lot of freedom, no morning alarms, no major financial stress, no extra duties and pressure, just work, traveling, and lot of fun, totally content. We really don’t know whether we would be able to or we actually want to change our lives that way or not. How to listen and understand our heart, ritual or choice, which one to pick is the question??? I just want to know my inner voice that whether I want a baby for our happiness or I just want to complete our family like a ritual and fit into the society's normal married couple criteria. If we do it out of happiness, we’ll enjoy parenting and will become an awesome family and if we do it as a compulsion then I don’t know. Basically, it is all about perspective, we all similar yet different from each other. In the journey of life, happiness, being content or complete holds different meanings and achievements to individuals.
I don’t know if you guys can relate to this or think like this or maybe it’s just me “d odd one out” who thinks too much about life but thank you readers for your patience for reading my long article.