My Pregnancy.... A Journey to dread.
|   Jun 12, 2017
My Pregnancy.... A Journey to dread.

Pregnancy, the word itself makes a woman blush. For the first timers, it's all about curiosity, excitement, happiness and attention. For the second timers it's like seen it all done it all feeling. Addition is confidence. Conceiving is one thing but carrying that pregnancy till the last day of your last trimester is an achievement in itself. Most women who are able to get pregnant and handle their pregnancy without any complications are truly blessed. It sure was not one of the pleasant journey I had.

My attempt to get pregnant started 5 months post marriage. Getting pregnant was important to me and I desperately wanted to have a baby. Call me intuitive or call me hasty I panicked after 2 tries. A gut feeling of "something is terribly wrong here" arose. I conveyed this to my husband who brushed it off thinking I was being childish and ignorant. I accepted his accuse and our attempt continued. This followed for few more months. Each month tasting a dose of my tantrums in increased intensity everytime I got my period. After 4 months he gave in to my request of taking professional help. My best friend referred me to a doctor whom she approached for the exact same reason and was successful. My visits of hope began. 

Initially it was just the analysis of familial history, behavioural patterns, professional demands and blood analysis of us both. Here I must appreciate my husband who was totally supportive of everything that was demanded. Thankfully he did not behave like an egoistic beast who thinks that I am perfectly fine. It's you. Anyway after thorough examination doctor said that there was nothing wrong with either of us. She recommended ovulation induction and we agreed without googling. This was attempted for 2 months. Yet I did not conceive. During the 2nd attempt doctor suspected of benign polyp which was showing up on my scan but she said it's vague and it was doubtful. Next scan boom it was not there. My husband had to travel abroad for 2 months which was a period when I began browsing every available article. I got a HSG test done. Anyone getting this test done out there, be prepared. It's extremely painful and always have a company with you during the visit. Not scaring you but alarming you. 

Once my husband was back induction began again. During the scan the benign polyp who was enjoying a good game of hide and seek showed up again and was caught. My doctor recommended a minor surgery under general anaesthesia. A day was fixed and we were asked to be at the hospital at 5 in the morning. I went under the knife and that little culprit was surgically removed and sent for pathology to overrule cancer. It was negative. Following the month of surgery another attempt at ovulation induction was done. I remember correctly that it was 3 July 2014 when this was done. On August 2nd my husband again had to travel abroad. My period was delayed by 3 days but I just did not want to take the test as I did not have my husband to console me if I saw it to be negative. Reluctantly I took the test after a week and hurray it was positive. But there is always a feeling of disbelief. I was having the same. I messaged my husband and told him to keep it a secret till I repeat the test again in a week. During this gap we had a small argument and weren't in talking terms. I took the test again in 3 days, well I couldn't wait for another week you know... Spare me. It was definitely positive. I messaged my husband at 5 in the morning. Oh that is the time when I used to go to work. I requested my cab mate to save a seat for me in the front of TT. She happily did. I was showered with congratulations. It's like one of them know is like the whole office knows. I couldn't wait to break the news to my best friend who recommended the doctor and the friend in my office.  At around 8 in the morning I was feeling all wet and rushed to the restroom. To my horror I was bleeding profusely. I accepted the fate of miscarriage and cried my heart out. It was extremely difficult to maintain the composure. I again messaged my husband about what happened. This time his ego was holding him back and he did not call me to check on me. I felt vulnerable and wanted to see how long he could let me dwell on my own. I felt lonely and abandoned. I did not bleed the whole day but a little only in the evening. Then I bled a bit only next late noon. I was confused with the pattern and called my gynac. I now wonder of why hadn't I actually called her the instant I bled. She asked me to do a blood test and call her with the reports. Surprisingly it was still positive. She asked me to be on bed rest till the time for my scan. So I obeyed and opted for work from home. 3 days I was fine. On 3rd day when I went to pee a huge clot larger than the size of my fist just fell. I hadn't seen anything like it before and had no idea what on earth that was. I thought my uterus just fell off. I know I sound naive and stupid now but that's what I thought then. I immediately called my gynac who asked me to be on absolute bed rest. So I obeyed. Another 2 days passed by and there shedding of another huge clot. This time I panicked harder and was desperate to know if I was still pregnant. I called the gynac and she adviced me the same to be on bed rest. But I convinced her to get my scan done. I think she sensed my desperation and called me over. At the time of scan she was not abe to find the heartbeat and shook her head. I broke into million pieces by that expression. Seconds later she finds it and says "it's there". The sudden rush of joy made me scream. Then on I was adviced complete bed rest with only walk allowed was to washroom. Food, drink even washing of hands was on the bed. My mother in law would serve me food. My husband was still abroad. My bleeding never stopped for 4 months. I would change 4 sanitary pads in a day. This was accompanied by shedding of clots in the first 2 weeks. I had already completed 7 scans in first 3 weeks. Every moment was like living in an eternity of uncertainty. Every clot shed took a piece of my heart. Whenever I had profuse bleeding I would cry buckets thinking of the worst. On the bed all alone in a room with no entertainment and no one to console or talk to me I was drifting into depression. My mil was already irritated from the things she had to do. At my in laws all my mil cooked was just rice. She would only serve me with curds. She would give me half an apple and comment saying fruits are expensive. No we don't have any financial issues. I insisted on giving her the money and all I wanted was biscuits and fruits which I asked my in laws to get. Big bazaar was right next to my house. She said fil can't get it and asked me to call my brother. My brother would travel every weekend for 2 hours one side to get me a weeks supply of whatever I needed from a shop which was right next to my house. He would just drop them spend few minutes talking and leave.  All she would talk about was sending me to my parents house when my husband was back. When she asked my gynac about my travel she upfront disagreed. My husband was back when I hit my 5th month. This time mil changed the gynac took her opinion and sent me off to my parents when I was 5 and a half month. Once I was at my parents, I was treated like a princess. This made me realise that most mil can never be a mother. Likewise such mil should not expect daughter in law to be a daughter. 

I delivered normally but a pre term baby. He was underweight but healthy. There are bunch of my friends who kept my hopes up, who prayed for me. My husband when visited the gynac to get my medical certificate for office purpose, she said she didn't think I would make it this far. It was a miracle I got this far.

I delivered my second son few months ago. This time around I did not have trouble conceiving or any complications during my entire pregnancy. I drove to work every day till I delivered. I had normal delivery. Both are healthy. 

To all the women out there trying to conceive... It will happen. And to women who are pregnant... you will make it. 

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