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Sometimes kids give such a viewpoint to a perception which otherwise no one of us would ever think of .... My 6 year old daughter was engrossed playing with her new SnowWhite doll, suddenly she asked a question.... Mumma"When I will grow up ,will I also get my prince ,who will kiss me and take me to his Kingdom ". The mother in me couldn't react for a second ...why ?First. I never ever expected a 6 year old to pop up this question. Second I was stuck between a"cool"mom and a" traditional" mom .Frankly I wanted to yell...." What are you talking about ?...play with some other toys or these are all stories "But i was actually uttering ,"Yes baby...( with extra loaded sweetness ) ,but only once you grow up". The incident was enough to give me the potion for my brain storming. I don't think I ever had the courage to talk to my mother on any such topic. We share a very transparent warm loving relationship but there is certainly a line of control which I have not crossed till date. Remembering my childhood ,my mom was there for me whenever I needed her but still there were certain topics on which I could take her advice but I couldn't discuss it with her.
In the present scenario we all want to be cool buddies to our children. To elaborate ... Present crop of parents want to be" friends" to their children .What is a friend? .. A friend is someone with whom one shares a bond of mutual affection ,one who supports you and the one you like and enjoy being with. But is it all a child needs of his parents ? I have a different take on this, I don't want to support my children I want to make them stand for themselves. I will be there for my kids whenever they need me but not only to support or to listen but also the guide, restrict and scold them ! Yes.. you heard it right ! I don't want myself to be in disguise of a friend when my child needs a parent. A parent job is to provide moral ,spiritual guidance ,set limits and mould child's behaviour in the best possible manner. A parent has to adore several roles at the same time as listener ,Counselor controller ,advisor ,disciplinarian, companion but the main focus remains on being a parent... someone whom the child looks upon in his pinks and blues . I cannot permit my child to experiment with his life, instead with my knowledge ,experience and wisdom , I can develop him to be a good human being.I am ready to take tough calls also!..... If it is for the betterment of my child, without caring about the repercussions on my so called friendship. The role enactment of either parent and freind are the two sides of the same coin ,parents should strike the equilibrium between the two roles so that the child gets to enjoy the benefits of both. There are certain measures which can be adopted to strike a balance between the two roles as a parent and as a friend:
1. Draw a line-Remember positive parenting has no parameters it has only one scale "what your child will be?" Always draw a line between a parent and a friend, at times your child does that needs a friend.. he needs a confidante , a support.. provide him with the hard core support that only a parent can provide.
2. Compassionate environment-Parents should not be someone whom children are scared to approach. If warm benevolent environment can be created in the house itself nothing else is needed.
3. Treating kids as individuals- Don't go with the authoritative parenting. Always go with the flow ,treat your child as individuals with minds of their own. Always give respect to their choices and their beliefs.
4. Conversation- Don't be a listener always, communication serves it purpose only when it's two ends are closed. Talk to the children about their ideas ,hopes, feelings but also share bits of your lives with them,sharing your bits create a sense of affection but keep in mind kids are not emotionally grown up to take lots of emotional distress.
Parenting is life long learning process in which we as parents also learn various things,we see life from our children's eyes.As a parent it's our duty to provide them a nonchalant, happy and memorable childhood.