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Good Morning, well there was nothing good about morning for me few months back. I was totally tired of my monotonous routine which used to start with an early morning annoying alarm and continue with no moment allowing me to think over anything. Every damm small thing in my routine was repeated day in and out without the slightest of change. Right from preparing breakfast and lunch at the same time, getting ready for office and then leaving for the office and many more. In fact every activity in my routine was in so much rush that I barely realized whether I am still breathing or not. In the rush to reach office on time on many occasions I have starved myself. In spite of that I rarely used to reach on time, all thanks to heavy traffic which never missed to welcome me. Office hours were so busy that I never realized when sun sets and only the watch could remind me that it's time to go home. It's been ages since I went out in a day light.
Heading back home was like getting down from the ladder which I climbed in the morning. Evening is the time to repeat everything I did in the morning but in reverse order. Once again in rush to wind up the office work , hitting the traffic on roads, and then struggling to arrive home on time, undressing, preparing dinner, cleaning and bllah bllah. Within a matter of time I would turn into a zombie to get ready for same cycle tomorrow.
Everyday it did strike me "Where the hell day passed? I did nothing which I love and which I want to do every single day". But I would console myself saying there is always tomorrow. My soul continued struggling with my thoughts. At last I heard my inner voice which was shouting loud "Enough is enough. You need to stop right away before it's too late".
Like they say if you cannot change things around you, you must change yourself and so did I . I decided to take a break from my robotic life which lasted for a decade and take it's control in my own hands. Guess what, I decided to become a MOTHER and go on a long break with my baby.
I planned everything from conceiving till giving birth and life after her arrival. I quit my job after her birth and had all plans to do what I love to do and always wanted to do since long. I thought as I would be a stay at home mom I will have entire day at my disposal.
Very soon I was like "Oh my god what I am doing? I was only dreaming. I am dead and I forgot to live."
I dreamed of waking up at my comfort, having food on time, watch my favorite shows and movies, read books which were under dust for long, listen to my favourite music tracks, go on a long walk and drive, admire sunrise and sunset, take my own sweet time for bathing and use never used bath tub, go out for dinners, shopping and movie, and the list goes on and on.....
When I came face to face with the reality you will be surprised to know what actually I am doing.
I am still living a robotic life but with few differences. I still cannot wake up when I want but have to when my baby wants. My alarm clock is replaced by my baby crying and sometimes those curious eyes. I still starve myself as my baby wants to play with my food and me. I want to try my hands on baking but now I am busy preparing baby food. I watch all cartoon shows and kids movie, read bed time stories and rhyme books and all time I am surrounded by toys making all kinds of noise peepeee paapee lallalaalalaa. Going out of home is like a challenge now, forget about walk and a drive. I cannot sit and relax I have to be on my toes all the time to save my baby from falling and hitting her head somewhere or other. Taking out time for bath is a luxury and my bath tub is full of baby bathing toys instead of rose petals and fragrance candles smell is replaced by baby talcum powder. We cannot go out for dinner because we become watchman at night when our baby sleeps, as the baby always keeps a check on us every 20 30 minutes.
Of course I go for shopping because my pre pregnancy outfits do not fit me anymore. But every time I realize there is nothing in stores which suits my body anymore and I end up bringing something for baby as she is growing always. Practically it seems I don't exist. If one was to talk about movies I have forgotten how movie theatres look like.
To sum it up, for me to have ended my robotic life of work was a good decision but may be it was too late and hence I landed into another robotic life of motherhood. Somewhere I lost myself in rat race and forgot to live.
Notwithstanding my robotic life I still love spending time with my baby and be with her. Nothing can be more soothing than my baby running towards me for a hug. I know very soon she will grow up and will not spy on me. I am sure, I gonna miss my vodafone dog. So I am cherishing what I have today, rather than cribbing about past and waiting for tomorrow which no one has seen.
Finally a piece of advice for everyone out there. Do not make same mistake which I did. Listen to your inner voice before it's too late. And "Do not forget to live. If you want to do something, just do it".
#ilove #being #a #stayat #home #mom