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This is how it begins: Your guy pops the question. Will you marry me? He tells you that his family is just going to love you, especially his mom. You're the daughter she never had. You assume that means she's going to be super supportive of all your choices, will offer help when you ask for it, but otherwise, stay out of your life and marriage. How perfect!
Meanwhile, his mom has a fantasy of her own. She assumes that since you're so crazy about her son, you see her as an authority on marriage and children—and her son. Of course you'll want lots of advice from her because you want to be just like her. She can't wait to start "helping."
Call it the clash of the fantasy lives. The result: Women use words like "strained," "infuriating" and "simply awful" to describe their mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.
It's the disappointment felt by both women that "gives these relationships their distinctive negative charge,”. End result so many “Saas Bahu” daily soaps, earning their TRPs.
Well I will share my story.. Certainly not the so difficult one because we have some unsaid rules that makes it successful.
Phew! I’m a hardcore North Indian married into a South Indian family. Of course it’s a love marriage. Marriage word doesn’t comes alone it has so many things in its fold, like responsibilities, binding, understanding and the most important things that’s the root cause of all the things is the “Expectations”.
Expectations - Daughter in law that she will be like, “Aanadi of Daily soap, Balika Vadhu”. Mother in law will be like your own mom. Who told you it’s going to be the same? Who told mother in law since you have done so much for your mother in law, your daughter in law will have to reciprocate the same? Same question I have for daughter in law, how is she expecting that her in- laws will accept her tantrums that she use to throw on her mom and dad?
It’s an equation. It has to be balanced both ways. And catalyst named husband/son has to be always there. I’m feeling so glad, “aaj meri chemistry ki degree kam aa gayi”.. ha ha ha..
Anyhow from here I begin:
Rule No 1. My MIL never criticizes me. Remember the old age, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all?"
Well, my MIL never forced me or criticized me for getting up late in the morning. I’m not a morning person unlike the Dravidians who believe in early rising, taking shower, worshipping doing rangoli thing. Never ever complained even about my cooking (I’m an awesome cook) so I’m honestly bailed out here. The way I dress up and so many things, I seriously dress up like a daily soap bahu... all set with my mascara and nicely tied attire. I think she loves it. It has been 9 years now and I’m living in that dilemma. Ha ha ha..
Rule No 2. No advice to each other. Score (0-0), Assuming your daughter-in-law wants your advice. Most don't want to hear. Mother in law saying "This is what I did so, this is what you should do." doesn’t work out this way.
Nor do my MIL & I, play this hide and seek of disguising advice in questions."Don't you think you should put your child to bed earlier?" or "Are you sure you should be spending money on THAT right now?" or "Do you really think this is the best option?"
Rule No 3. My MIL has never made me felt that I’m not important thought my hubby sometimes does make me feel that way… You know how these men are?
Well for all those nagging MIL, thinking the mother-son relationship will not change after his marriage and demanding to be the most important woman in his life. It's not a competition, but a bad mother-in-law can make it feel like one. Your daughter-in-law should rightfully be the most important woman in your son's life. It won't lessen his love for you when he gets married, but it will make things difficult if you are always trying to compete for his time, attention, or love.
Rule No 4 - Acting like your child is a saint. Believe it or not, your son or daughter is not perfect. They aren't always right either. Please stop acting like they know everything and can do no wrong. When you do this, it makes your daughter-in-law feel like she doesn't measure up and isn't good enough for your son.
Think my daughter-in-law is perfect. This might be even worse than thinking my son is perfect, because it sets the stage for bitter disappointment once the poor daughter-in-law slips up and reveals her humanity.
Rule No 5- I guess the most important.. Giving space.. Handling with patience.. It’s not necessary to be interfering all the time. There is always an option for MIL to be just a silent observer.My MIL have been kind enough for not forcing things on me and not try to see her replica in me and manners of conduct.
Of course going through the article you must be feeling … ki iski toh MIL hi achi hai.. Nothing much she has to do.. But this isn’t that simple, as it seems..I told you its an equation. I also follow few rules to make this relationship balanced and less complicated....for that you will have to keep reading next post in queue, Recipe to mother-in-laws's Heart....