Love at first sight, it was not!
|   Apr 21, 2016
Love at first sight, it was not!

I, once, read an article in the newspaper about adopted children and their parents. How its a bond that's formed through heart. One of the mothers had expressed that she feared that she might not immediately love her adopted child. That maybe it would take some time for her to love her adopted child. What I would like to tell this mother is that, even for biological mothers it takes sometime to really love her children. At least that's the case with me. 

They were born. First thing, are they of normal weight? Especially being twins, this was my biggest worry. Thank God, they were of normal weight. Then the next worry, are they able to drink milk properly? Am I doing it right? Am I feeding them enough? Am I burping them correctly? Am I cleaning them correctly after they poop?

Third day after my daughters were born, one of them went into such deep sleep throughout the morning, she slept for 8 hours continuous. No matter, how much we tried to wake her up for her feed, she wouldn't wake up. We were still in the hospital. Finally, the paediatrician came at 6 in the evening and gave us a good scolding. That's when I realised that a baby of 3 days needs to be fed every 2 hours no matter what. He gave us some horrific (for a mother) tricks to wake her up. He told us that if she is not fed for long hours, her sugar levels are bound to go low. Uff! Add another worry to list.

Then we took them home. Then started the worry of bathing them. Keeping them hygienic was a challenge. Sea of guests who want to see the babies. Even after keeping a hand sanitizer in the vicinity and very politely requesting them to use it before they touch the babies, some people wouldn't do it saying that I am fussing too much. So then I would worry about the numerous germs that my babies would have contacted.

So this way the first few months after my babies were born, it was a string of worries, sleeplessness, tired. In all this love was far away. I don't exactly remember when I really felt love for them. Maybe when I was dressing them up for their first outing. Maybe sometime when I saw their cute little crying faces. Maybe when I wiped off the cake smudged on their face on their first birthday party. Maybe when I saw their lost faces in a crowded party, searching for me. It could be any of these. Yes it's a natural process for a mother to care for her children. But to love, to feel the longing, when they are not around. The feeling of missing them when they are away and you hear a song they like or see a cartoon they watch. The feeling of joy and pride when you see them run towards you. The need to kiss them, cuddle them, hug them, that kind of bond took its time to form.

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