Yes, I am selfish and No, I don't feel guilty about it
|   Jun 19, 2017
Yes, I am selfish and No, I don't feel guilty about it

No one in this whole wide world has been judged as much as a woman. She is judged for making choices, for trying to be independent or to break away from the conventions. She is frowned upon for being the way she is, for not sticking to stereotypes, for not following the rules (set by the patriarchy). I would not be wrong in saying that she just can’t be herself until and unless she doesn’t give a damn to what the neighbors say, how the society looks at her and how she is run down upon by every other relative. Today, we do have majority of us who really don’t care about what and how and whys going on around us. But we do get into the turmoil of getting our self respect torn apart millions and zillions of time from the very moment we step into a new household, a new avatar and embrace new relationships. That very day, the judging gets on to an entirely whole different level. Honestly it never stops thereafter.

Throughout her life, a woman is taught to think about the rest before indulging in self interests and well, that is exactly what is wrong with our society. We just never leave her alone and if she wants to enjoy some quality time all on her own, we thrash her and bash her with totally baseless remarks which shun her growth as an individual. There have been times when I have been called names which I don’t like, I am called idle because I don’t like to cook but instead I want to read a book. Selfish because I like going to the parlor or shopping during the Sundays I am supposed to clean the house or spend time with everyone at home. They say I’m a selfish mother because I try to spend some time alone either reading or shopping or doing things which I love. I particularly think that my needs are equally as important as my family’s, my husband’s and child’s needs. If I try to put myself first, this can’t be termed selfish. It is the only way I care for the most important individual in my life, myself.

After I became a wife, I had a long list of priorities added, and I found them too burdening so as to for a long period of time, I just happened to forget the ‘me’ in me. While taking care of everybody else, I ignored myself and it took a great deal of toll on me. I got irritated, hassled, and my temper really worsened. Then I thought why is it that I am suffering when I am trying to do good to everyone around. There were two answers that my inner self told me, one was that I was expecting way too much from everybody around and they hardly met my expectations. Second was, there was only one person who could meet my expectation but I just wasn’t giving that person even a little chance. Only if I would let that person help me I could be saner again. Now you might ask the question, who is that person? That is ‘I’.

Nobody else but I could help me. This mantra worked wonders for me and I restored my sanity, had lesser meltdowns and was able to deal with postpartum anxiety in a better way. After I had my baby, I had to get back on to a back seat again. But I knew that this is just a phase, and it will pass. And within about six months, I was back on track. I didn’t ignore myself, I tried to nap with my baby, read when he slept, did not worry about the chores all the time, didn’t miss my parlor visits and most importantly didn’t quit my job. And voila I was able to deal with my baby’s tantrums, my husband’s anxieties, and also got to enjoy warm coffee just the way I liked it. So even if that is selfish of me, let it be because that is how I need to recharge and rejuvenate myself. My little selfish efforts have led me to be a happier, healthier and all around a better wife, mother, employee and friend. I am not sure how many of you would agree with me, but certainly, it’s a well tested and tried way. So dear girls, grab a good book, take a bubble bath, jog a little, splurge on the clothes you have always wanted, and enjoy with your girlfriends. I will definitely never judge you because you deserve it and much better.

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