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Today we had a really terrific episode of a tantrum (Screeching, screaming, crying, yelling) in the evening. The reason was that both me and my husband were trying to convince her not to wear a really expensive dress while going out to play. And she wanted to wear just that specific dress. She did not give in. We gave her various options, we were stern, we explained in a friendly way, we yelled, we bribed, we begged. She just stood her ground. She knew she wanted to wear that dress. And she stood her ground. She did not waver even for a second.
I wish I could do that. I wish I could have so much conviction in my choices, that even if the entire world was against me, I could stand just as strong as my toddler. To not bend, to not compromise, to not give in when it came to something so integral to my beliefs.
If you think about it, wearing the dress was the most important thing in the world for her at that point. She refused to be bribed with chocolates too. So you can imagine how important it was for her that she wears it. So when it is a matter of something so important, if she can stand her ground, why can't I?
She was not getting tired for standing up for her beliefs, then why do I feel tired and just give in, when it comes to my beliefs. Of course not regarding any dress, but I am talking about the important stuff. Stuff that is really important for me, stuff that is integral to my belief system. Here is something that my toddler is trying to teach me. To not give in, when the stakes are so high. To have utmost and unwavering confidence in my choices.
Ok, I accept that screaming and screeching is not the best way to deal with the problem, but at 30 years of age, I can definitely find a decent way to not be weak and give in. To have the patience of explaining my point of view and to not be tired of standing up.
Not once does my toddler believe that the dress will get dirty. Or that she might be making a mistake. When I tell her that the dress might get spoilt, she confidently tells me that she will take care of it. And she does do it. She gives it her best shot of keeping the dress from getting dirty. And even when she does spoil it, she is not worried. She will never second guess her decision. She will still demand to wear it the next day. And make an even better effort of keeping it clean.
She does not yet know how the mechanics of getting the dress clean works. But she has faith that somehow miraculously, the dress is clean in the morning. She trusts the higher power (in this case, me, her mommy) to find a way to clean the mess. She will even help me in washing it. So instead of worrying about the dirt, she enjoys and gives full justice to her decision.
I need to start doing that. To own my choices and to give justice to them. To not be scared of the dirt. I need to start believing that I am capable enough to clean up the mess of my decisions too along with the help of the higher power. And to have faith in the higher power, even though I don't quite know the exact mechanics of how the power works, that somehow there is a bright new day with my choice, being protected, cleaned and cared for by it.
I need to start not caring about what the world thinks of my decision. But to wear my decision, wear my belief like the prettiest, most expensive dress and frolic around in happiness, confidence and satisfaction.