I Remember my life in the early twenties .. The thrill , the excitement of endless possibilities .. The dream of conquering the world.. changing it .. Of making a dent on the world map.. becoming somebody huge , important ..
The world was my oyster then and I was filled with so many hopes and aspirations of being "somebody" or "something" .. achieving the impossible ..
And then life happened .. the jump towards the stars slowly got down to the some more achievable , real aims .. the dent on the world map became more of a 1100 square feet space with walls .. time began to be calculated by every month end to month end .. dreams of changing the world became more of changing the channels to catch up what is happening around the world ..
Basically I grew up .. some of the mad, impossible dreams were slowly pushed back towards the back of the mind .. eventually to fall off , forgotten ..
I have achieved a lot in life right now .. I have a beautiful home , a beautiful family .. nothing to complain about and a hell lot to be thankful for .. I am aware of my finances , my responsibilities towards my daughter , my parents , .. I have grown up ..
But when I sit down and think about it , there is one thing that gives me immense sanity in the midst of the insane mundane, yet beautiful mediocrity .. I still have some madness left in me .. I still have one impossible dream close to my heart .. one dream which has not yet fallen off .. a dream which I have clutched desperately for more than a decade now .. a dream which has seen me grow up , but still refuses to do so itself ..
A dream so impossible and so laughable that I dare not say it out loud even to myself .. but its there .. even in all the impossibility , its still there .. and I love it .. that is the part of me that puts a smile on my face when I'm down in the dumps .. that part puts back hope in my heart when I don't seem to find any in my real life .. it is my companion in my happiness , my madness , my naivety , my depression , .. a part of the core me .. I know the possibility of it coming true is even less than one in a bazillion .. but its still mine .. it is me and I am it .. something that will help me not to lose myself ..
The romance of the unfulfilled, mad, impossible dream ..
That is one kind of romance everybody should have .. a love affair with your madness .. even if its hidden away from the world .. just for yourself .. something to hold on to when you are being drifted in all directions , fulfilling your endless responsibilities..
That one impossible dream ..hold it close to your heart .. think about it once in a while , if not every single day .. the madness , the youth , the true you .. and when you are stuck in the menial day to day struggle , that small bit of madness will definitely get you through it .. and you know the dream is so impossible that you know its just never going to come true , so there is no question of feeling bad "if" or "when" it does not .. but the impossibility of the dream is what is so beautiful about it ..
Just like how unconditional love is .. it's beautiful ..
At least its the only insane yet sane thing , of me , of my life .. my impossible, mad dream.