Love Marriage... A worst experience!!
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|   May 03, 2017
Love Marriage... A worst experience!!

Love is blind and we say love and marriage go hand in hand. Mine was a love marriage in a different caste irrespective of his family background. Parents are right that marriage exists if it is done in the same status and caste. But in my case, my status and caste is more powerful than his in terms of study, career, family background, family education and most important the way of thinking. We were in a relationship for four years before we decided to tie the knot. He portrayed everything fake in front of me. He is from a conservative family which I came to know immediately after marriage. I went against my family’s wishes, but eventually managed to convince them. I was so sure that I wanted to spend my life with this guy. I always thought that life will be good to me as I never knew bad in my life; all I needed was love and romance and we had that before marriage. Even though our salaries were sufficient enough, we had money for honeymoon, but we both sacrificed our happiness for his family because they asked him to save money rather than wasting on honeymoon. All I wanted his happiness. I was finally with the man I wanted to be with. Time changes – and so does love. From being my friend, my best friend, my boy friend, he became my husband and this change happened. On the day of our marriage he was so cold towards me. I looked into his eyes trying to find love but it was just not there. I felt, he took me as a challenge to make me his wife and show the world that he finally achieved me as a gold medal. On our special night I was in his house surrounded by so many unknown faces. He did not bother to see me and so we did not even talk. I was confused, but I waited patiently thinking we will be ourselves when we get back to our home in Bangalore. I was so stupid. We could never be the same again. Things did get better when we got back. He was at least romantic. We talked. Enjoyed movies. Went out with friends. He praised my efforts at home. He had his anger issues, but it wasn’t something I wasn’t aware of. We had a lot of issues because of the way he spent money but I always assumed it will be fine with time. He spent on his family even though he was in so much debt, but I thought it will be fine. He fought whenever I argued, but never tried to understand my point of view, but I thought it will be fine. I cried for days together. For weeks he would not talk to me properly. I would try, but nothing changed. I still assumed we will be fine. He started talking only when he felt like. I was not able to concentrate on work, but I loved him dearly and that was all that mattered to me. My father died within six months of our marriage. I needed him the most at that time. I am very close to my family, especially my mother; and my father’s sudden demise was extremely difficult for all of us to deal with. While I struggled with all these emotions; I noticed he had no interest in me and my family. Every time I shared something, he was either not interested or was judgmental. I stopped telling him most things because I did not want him to be burdened by my issues. Slowly I started hiding things from him. I started saving money without telling him. I got a new job and hid my new salary from him. It was not that I was never going to tell him, but he didn’t believe in saving money and I was always worried about our future. He kept telling that he cannot save money so he is giving it to his family so that they can save for us. Or he is in debt so can't save money and so many excuses. But how about his expense towards gadgets, movies, his family unnecessary expenses like A.C., Car etc. Though I knew that the saving in his family was not for our future, it was for his family. I did not have problem in sending money, but I always have a problem with liars. Then came the final blow. My pregnancy. I can recall the moment when his sister told him, if you cannot control a girl , marry her and make her pregnant, the girl will be under your control. I went to my mother’s place prior to my delivery; the moment my girl was born, all her hard work went for a toss. When I was hungry while breastfeeding, it was my mom who took care of me. He left me alone and did not even provide me a glass of water. When he provided something to eat, that also was controlled by his mom and sister that being a man, he is not supposed to do this and he stopped doing anything for me. His parent’s arrival did not make things better. Finally we had such a bad fight that he left even before his leaves expired. He insulted my mother and brother and broke all the limits. I kept watching all these without saying a single word because I loved him and fought with my parents for him. But God knows that all these moments were taking me towards the end of our relationship. We kept fighting for months. For the first time in my life I said something about his family and that was the final nail in the coffin. He said that relationship works on give and take policy. He called and asked me to get a transfer to another city because he was getting an opportunity there. But how about my career and when my company was sending me abroad for my career growth, he cried in front of my mom and I ended up taking the passport back from my company. The fact was he wanted me to live alone crying, depressed. He kept saying he would leave me here if this opportunity materializes, and I felt so shaken. With my first child in my hand, I would be at his place weeping all day, struggling with motherhood, and looking at a totally blank future. I thought of ending it all; maybe suicide was the answer. I tried also but one time God saved me and another time I saw my baby and thought about her. After I reached Bangalore, the nightmare did not end. He would not talk to me and when he did, he would only point out my mistakes. I lost all my confidence. I was a bad mother and bad wife according to him. Whenever he was in a good mood he talked to me nicely, but one mistake and everything is gone.  My work was demanding. My baby was demanding. My husband was demanding and demeaning. There was no appreciation from anywhere. My colleagues were able to see me struggling like while driving because I had pain in my c-section and baby used to be with me on her baby car seat. Everybody helped me except him and his family. They were having fun to put me in this situation and waiting for the time that when I break down in front of him and his family. With all the insecurities in this relationship I could not think of leaving work and just taking care of my baby. My mother came in between to help me, but those times were even more harassing. My husband did not talk to her, and he insulted me even more when she was around. But I did not give up. Only I know the pain and trauma I went through. Once, while my mother was there, his mother provoked him so much that he should slap me in front of her. His unloving attitude was killing me every day. I have told him many times how lonely and neglected I feel, but he said it’s all in my head. These discussions only end in an argument. I had no hopes for recovery. My baby's 1st birthday was coming and only 15 days left. I asked him for celebration. He got irritated and said " it's a worst thing happened in life and he will celebrate her death day not the birthday." And he held my neck and I fainted. That was the end. I filed a divorce petition and got divorce without taking a single penny from him as alimony, so that at least one day he will realize that his family is there for his money, not me and my baby. I was there with him for love and future . But his family and he himself spoiled everything for money. I restarted my career after struggling too much by managing personal , social and professional life. But again he started showing his emotional drama. It was my baby's second birthday and I had a hope that he will come at least for her this time but again he sacrificed my happiness and baby's happiness for his so called family. I had an opportunity to leave this country and go somewhere else. I got a marriage proposal also from one of my best friends but now I do not believe in marriages because it hurts when only girl has to compromise. He started saying sorry and sending emotional messages because I did not give up and I stood stronger than before. Now I do look more beautiful and confident because a person like him is not in my life. Enough of crying, mental and physical torture. I am still hoping that he will miss me from the bottom of his heart and realize what he has done. But till then, my struggle with freedom continues. All I needed was love but what I got was A HUSBAND , sorry he is now my EX HUSBAND! And I am a proud single mother.

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