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There is a child in me that always asks if I can go back home, my home. I have always told myself reassuringly that my home is where my parents reside. But with years of marriage, the child in me has grudgingly told herself my home is where my spouse and children stays. Every new year begins with a few marked out dates in my calendar to happily plan for my home trip, my holidays back to childhood. Iam sure so many of us must be doing the same.
It is a never ending desire that iam sure would stay with me and many of us till last days. Our parents feel blissful seeing their daughters happily settled in their own abode, their marital home. They take pride when their pampered daughters learn to juggle between a job, a child and a home to nourish. In return most of us try to ensure that parents stay confident that we have learnt to cross barriers and walk ahead. In the process, i too have learnt to leave behind holding their hands. But I wonder if they know I am already scared and confused about a life without them.
When I was a child I was told I would have to go and build another family and home. I was unaware that in the process, I would start loosing my own self. Mostly it is the woman of the family who rebuilds her dreams, desires, habits, expectations and career to accommodate herself in that home. And I am no different or come from an alien society. But the process is tiring, it drains us completely. We are forced to ignore the child within. The struggle to keep a marriage blissful is not easy, there are days when it can completely fall apart. The reasons can be many. Probably the birth of a new child, role of struggling new parents, a change in job adding responsibility, demanding in laws, a new location or probably anything silly! Yes anything and everything can take a toll in a marriage unless we decide to absorb all the challenges within and look happy for the next day.
Like all other daughters the wish to travel home or bring my home to me, remains constant. A home with my parents. Are not they old enough to stay with me? I am a homemaker, a wife, a mother and most importantly also a daughter. That is my first role in this lifetime. So is it right that Iam still not able to hold my parent's ageing hands? They are my home, i need them. No, I do not earn for myself or them. So what? I do not have to pay for their expenses. Probably they just need their children by their side. In today's times, most of us do not get settled in the same city, town or country of our parents. And we keep missing a lifelong of moments with them. The days are counted even when we visit them. We accept all of these as the 'must to do' lists! But please do not forget, we belong to our home, our childhood stays there and our hearts breathe there everyday.