Settling after marriage
|   Mar 03, 2017
Settling after marriage

Its never easy for anyone to settle. Throughout her life, a girl is taught by her elders, family and well wishers to settle down. But we girls dont just settle down. We also settle. Settle for less. We graduate, but dont need to post graduate. We settle for lower jobs and lesser salaries. And then we settle down. Get married. Which is the most common form of settling for smart, talented and educated women today. When we settle, we choose to reduce our self worth. We decide that we have to do with whats available to us in our destiny, and refuse to believe that we can make our destiny. I appeal to the large canvas of educated married women in india... why did we ever get married? Did we actually find a life partner, someone who is our equal not just physically or mentally, but also emotionally? And this is important because we women are emotional beings and such caregivers, something we should be proud of. But also something we should reserve for someone who deserves it from us. Why are we taught to be caregivers for the entire family, family of husband, relatives, etc etc.?? Love and care should be a reciprocative thing, not a duty or a role. Whether it is a man or a woman, everyone has the right to decide whom to bestow and nurture love and care upon. Why are we expected suddenly to care for a whole new set of people at the same level as we care for our own special people? My father who did not buy that car for himself because he had to spend for my college, my mother who stayed up all night with me during my board exams, who never let me miss my dinner even for a day, my brother with whom i fought and made up, laughed and cried, grew up and grew strong. Am i really expected to give these new people the same love and care that i feel for my family? Isn't that a bit unnatural and way too much to expect? Why do we become puppets of fate? Why should we act as caregivers for our husbands and inlaws and the rest when we are not able to extend this to our own family who deserve it more? Because we settle. We settle for someone who does not understand our need to be with our family as much as his need to be with his family. And we feed into this mindset by conforming. We work twice as hard as other members of his family, and rest half as much. But we are still expected to take care of everyone else's needs and preferences over ours. We will never have the last slice of pizza, or the first bite of icecream. We wont be asked which movie we want to see or where we would like to dine, except on our birthday or anniversary. Which makes us feel special enough to settle for the whole year. We were the first priority at our parents house, but now we settled for second best. Is it fair to us or our parents? Would it be ethical to conform at the cost of our self worth and our family? I dont think so. We mustn't settle. And unless we raise this question with our spouses we will always be taken for granted. Its how we all are brought up, and something needs to change. We all can bring a change in our own ways. We have a right to keep our fathers name if we want to. We have the right to pay half the bills, and demand half the decision making. We have the right to expect the last slice of pizza at equal opportunity. We have the right to take care of our parents physically, emotionally and financially whenever we feel is required. We have the right to expect the best and not settle. Lets wait it out girls....

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