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"I think I am not able to deal with my son anymore. He doesn't even listen to me nowadays. Guess it's all my fault. My daughter is just angry all the time. I gave her everything she wanted, don't know what went wrong overtime". We all go through this phase as a parent where we have no clue about what is going on with our own kids and we are just shying from accepting this.
Let me remind you these are just normal kids but with a different atitude towards life and it's not about the intelligence or their capabilities that we are talking about here. For a few it might be a passing phase in their quest for their own identity but for some it's an upheaval. From being secretive, insecure, demanding, stubborn, annoying, inability to trust, a self destroying attitude along with a tendency for addictions to having dysfunctional relationships with family and friends and an utter disregard for a future, the list is endless so are our reasons. So the real question is why and where is it going wrong?
Blame the genetics for a bad temperament, but blame the nurture for a child who's gone out of control. Sadly that's the truth most of us don't want to hear. The main problem is knowing this will only take us either into a shell of self proclaimed guilt or behind a defensive wall of denial for the situation. Unfortunately neither of them will help us. The damage only gets bitter with time.
What triggers this is a perception of feeling more criticised than loved, rejected, judged and most of all an understanding that you are giving up on them. It's not about what you did but it's always about how they percieved it to be. We fail as a parent if we don't try to change their misconstrue. It's not about doing what's right, it's about acting on what's wrong at the right time.
We often confuse love with an overindulgence in their lives, care with an obsessed disciplined lifestyle and concern with an overcautious involvement in their world. As this line gets thinner the gap between us gets bigger. The hardest part is to learn where and when to stop. Be warned the healing process is slower than you expect. Unfortunately there are no short-cuts to heal a damaged soul. All it needs is your consistent reassurance and patience to let go of their past to reform their future.
Remember only a heart that forgives and hand that cares can thaw a frozen heart, not a voice that hurts!