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Most of us are wary of change and resist change. But motherhood is a change which most women want to make in their life.I was very excited when I learnt about my pregnancy as I was waiting anxiously since a couple of years for that 'DAY" when I would take that home pregnancy test.
I had planned I would take the test in the presence of my husband and we would be like all excited (as they show in the advertisements and movies).
However, I couldn’t contain my excitement and didn’t wait for that best time in the morning to take the test and just took it in his absence. I was all alone at home and saw those two lines. I was shivering, crying, all emotions of happiness, anxiety, excitement was what I felt at that moment. I wanted to hug someone... anyone for that matter to compose myself but there was no one around. I started making calls to my parents but they wouldn’t pick up, I called my mother in law she wouldn’t pick up, I called my sister in law she wouldn’t pick up. It was like God wanted me to feel this moment alone when I realise there is a child inside me in the making.
My husband’s reaction was Wow! Ok, don’t be too excited I will be home in sometime. It was taking forever for him to be home and again I started dreaming he will just take me in his arms and we shall celebrate this news but his facial expressions were far from excited, I could sense he was anxious. Dead scared of the new change in our lives. Having a child definitely changes everything. He is a person who would take any life challenge but here this change did make him anxious. I took the change more easily than him until the day my daughter was born.
The nine months passed away quite smoothly along with morning sickness and that different feeling. But I thoroughly enjoyed my meetings with my gynaecologist, the ultra sound. It was an amazing journey leading to motherhood.
But after having my daughter I completely freaked out. I was all paranoid about her sleep pattern and her feed pattern. She would take like all the time in the world to take her feed and I felt as if I am doing nothing else but just feeding her and getting her to sleep all day long. It was tiring. I had a strong support system in my in laws and parents in those initial months still I was always worried about my daughter.
I had even made a graph depicting her sleep pattern and her feed timings. Yes, Really I did it. I thought my life has changed and now I am just going to keep worrying about her all the time. Now when I look back at those days 7 years back, I felt why I couldn’t accept that change easily when God blessed me with such a wonderful bundle of joy. What happens when one becomes a mother? Gradually as months passed by, I started accepting that my life has changed for the better. But it took me more than a year after my daughter started sleeping for the full night that I relaxed and started enjoying motherhood. Until that time, I was always in a state of dilemma of whether I will be a good mom. I always judged myself as I had huge expectations from myself and wanted to be the best.
However with time I realised no mom is perfect and one shouldn’t try to be perfect as you are the best mom for your child and their most favourite person.
Now in this seven year journey of motherhood, I can proudly say my daughter has made me what I am today and I am very happy to have quit work after she was born to enjoy the change and watch her growing up. I think I made the right decision for myself as I found out that my love for writing can also be made into a fulfilling career option for me only after I started writing blogs on my experiences of motherhood.
Today when I recollect the collective shouting of my family members “It’s a girl” all those emotions come back to me. It’s a privilege to be a mother, that’s all I can say.
Thanks for reading and please share your experiences too by participating in #Havingababychangeseverything contest. Feel free to put in comments and give me your feedback.