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As I sit down to write to you, I am full of emotions but at loss of words. But on this day, which is your day, I want to express my feelings to you.
As a little girl, I have a few faint memories with you. But I remember I needed you the most. And you were always there for me. You were there to tidy me up, to clean the mess, to trim my nails, to comb my hair, to hold my hands, to teach me be independent, to pick me, to drop me, to protect me, to wipe my tears, to make me smile, to teach me, to preach, to encourage me, to correct me, to punish me, to hug me, to scold me, to sing and dance with me, to comfort me, to provide food, clothing and shelter, to pray for me, to nurse me, to love me unconditionally, to teach me to love unconditionally.
I loved you maa, I loved you as that little girl so very much.
Then teenage struck. I was trying to be the coolest girl in town. I argued but you were polite. I replied to you with grunts but you were soft and gentle. I screamed, I shouted, I disrespected you at times but you still were the perfect YOU. I demanded, I knew it wouldnt be easy for you to fulfil my demands, but I still demanded and you satisfied my demands. I was always trying to prove myself right, I was always not paying heeds to what you said, I was always being pathetic. The world said I was an amazing girl, so quiet and composed, Maa you know how I really was. But you still continued to be my perfect mom. Why Maa and how?
I loved you then, my words and actions spoke otherwise, but I promise I loved you then.
I got married and turned into a young woman. And something in me changed drastically. I did not start to love you more because I know I have always loved you. I started to realise your worth, I started to value your love, I started to realize my love for you. I started to miss you.
Maa, I want to say to you, how much I miss you. I miss you each moment I am away from you.
I miss living with you, I miss you putting me to sleep, I miss you waking me up, I miss you making me eat, I miss waking you up in the middle of the night because I dont feel like sleeping, I miss not relying on the alarm because I know you would wake me up, I miss the makki ki roti with gud, I miss the pasta, I miss my very own multi- cuisine in house chef, I miss my yummy lunch box, I miss being dependent, I miss being scolded, I miss the bear hug, I miss your good morning kiss, I miss our fights too, I miss you when I am hungry, I miss you when I am sick, I miss you when I am tired, I miss you when I am alone, I miss you when I breath.
I know you are just two hours drive away, I know I can call you but I miss you being around Maa.
But maa, I want to confess to you, God has been kind, I have a blessing here too. Its my Maa here, mother in law in book terms but my mother in this house. She is an amazing person. Helping me keep sane, as I deal with difficult times. She tolerates my tantrums and deals with my moods too. She loves me and I say that with sheer confidence, she makes me laugh, she teaches me too just like the way you do, she cares for me, she protects me and is always there for me. I feel so full of love, when I watch her love her son. I feel so grateful to her for parenting her son the way she did and giving me the most valuable possession of my life. I know I can never love her son the way she does. She makes me realize how mothers are mothers, you dont have to give birth to love. She is the reason I still survive with you not being around.
I am a mother today, and as a mother I need both my mothers even more. I need the two of you to assure me, guide me, support me, assist me, pick me up when I fall, hold me when I am about to break.
Maa, I can say I am grateful to you and her, but thank you would just not be enough. I want to tell you every time I think I want to do something for you in return for being so awesome I realize its beyond my limits, meri itni aukat nahi. When you have a cent, you are capable of giving me a dollar in every sense.
But all I want to tell you is I Love You, I need you, I need your love for survival. Please dont hate me for the kind of person I am with you. You are my hero forever and ever.
Happy Mothers Day, Maa Your not so amazing daughter,