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We all love Sushmita Sen; in fact she is demigoddess for many. An international beauty queen, with a wit that could leave even the cheekiest red in the face, she is the ultimate independent woman. But, what has made her an inspiration for many is the fact that she is a single mother of two adopted kids. If the adoption of Renee when Sushmita was all of 25 and at the peak of her career dropped jaws, adoption of 3 month old Alisah in 2010 catapulted her to another level. Absolutely everyone loved her and went gaga over her. But, that is where the adulation ends.
Cut to the mundane life. For most couples who hope to have children, biological is the way to go. Even for those who consider the possibility of adoption, the idea is immediately squashed by the rest of the family. Now, let me clarify , wanting biological kids is completely natural, healthy and there is nothing wrong about it. Having said that, it is common knowledge that incidences of both male and female infertility are on the rise, and the modern day medical facilities make sure that there is no dearth of treatments.
Personally, I had trouble conceiving my first born and had to opt for medical intervention. Even though my treatment lasted for only a couple of months, I went through a gamut of emotions ranging from “I am not a complete woman” to “I am not good enough to carry out the basic duties of a woman”. And if a feminist like me can come up with such ideas, I can only imagine how other women who also have added pressure from family would deal with it.
Apart from the psychological factor, infertility treatments wreak havoc on your body. Painful injections that hurt for days afterwards, medicines that make you throw up endlessly and regular scans which invade all your sense of privacy are just a start. Treatments like IVF, laparoscopy and IUI may be completely safe and have no side effects, but are extremely invasive. And, despite taking all the measures, there is no guarantee. I have met women who have undergone several laparoscopies and IVF cycles but have still not been able to conceive. The most heart wrenching stories are those where women have had multiple miscarriages, sometimes with twins and as late as end of second trimester!
This is what makes me really think; is adoption really that taboo that we would rather force ourselves into such physical and mental torture; drain all our health and finances, just to make sure that the baby has our genes? Is making a baby who didn’t come into this world because of us, our own, that difficult?
I took the liberty of reasoning a few arguments that are generally raised against adoption. Just thinking out loud in hope that it may make a difference to someone’s life –
1) If you have your own kids, the adopted child will feel left out and may become rebels –
Valid point. Even if you make sure that you give all kids exactly the same treatment; psychological factors may make the kids feel otherwise.
But, that is where good parenting comes into the picture. You may face similar situations even if you have two or more biological kids. Love all your kids unconditionally, communicate with them and be approachable for even the smallest of things. That ought to take care of all insecurities.
2) Adopted kids may have genetic diseases –
Yes, adopted kids may have genetic diseases. But, if your own kid were to develop some sort of illness, would you abandon them?
3) Once adopted kids find out that they are adopted, they will abandon us –
Let’s face it, once they find out that the ones the assumed to be their parents, aren’t actually the ones who gave birth, curiosity is bound to arise. Such feelings are only natural.While some kids would seek to find out more about their biological parents, some might just want to shut them out. However, the kind of upbringing you have given your children will bind you to them for a lifetime. The values inculcated by you over the years will ensure your bond.
And then, we are bound to have differences with our biological children also! Doesn’t mean that they will abandon us, they why do we assume the worst in case of adopted kids?
Maybe, making a child who is already into this world, your own, not a bad idea after all!
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