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It was past 7 AM in the morning and my little girl was getting late for her nursery.We hurried to the nursery. I dropped her and heard the teacher say "Advika's mom is here". She wanted to talk to me about something, after the discussion I returned home.In the evening as my usual schedule, I took my girl to the play area.My little girl adores playing with her companions and her gang was already there and so were their moms.One of her new companion waved hand to my girl and said to her mom..look Advika came, and they two began playing. I sat with her mother and as we were meeting for the first time we introduced ourselves ...I said I am Advika's mom and she also introduced herself in a similar fashion. We sat for some time till it was dark and then left for home with our kids.
While returning back I was pondering as to why I introduced myself as Advika's mom first rather than my own name.Why did the teacher in the morning address me as Advika's mom instead of calling me by my name? I noticed that my communication now often doesn't start with my name however, I am currently known by my little girl's name.Have I lost my own identity?Am I now just the mother of my daughter? After much thought, I realized that it was simple for people to relate to me by my daughter's name rather than my own name.Be it the play area or the nursery I am known as Advika's mom rather than people addressing me by my name first.
One morning while I was sitting on the balcony thinking about random things, a thought came about the change of my lifestyle.I remember when I was expecting I had to quit my job because of my health and I lost myself to be a mom...but when the baby arrived, the happiness took me to a different world.A journey of a mom..with no rest, sleepless nights and figuring out to care for your little one.A journey of losing myself to become a successful mom.
It feels like yesterday when I brought my daughter home, complete focus of my life shifted to her. My life was nothing beyond the feeding, crying, scream, peep, poop and I did adjust to this new lifestyle. It became a part of my life and I never felt that I am new to it.We all do this at one point in time.
As the time passed, I tried to give the best to my baby..that each mom does.Learning new things, talking to other moms.The daily schedule shifted to deciding upon her needs, always taking care what is nutritious for my baby.Suddenly I realized that I have become so nutrition-conscious!
Being a new mom I wanted to give my best to my baby and in doing so I left "me" somewhere back.Life changed from late night sleeps to early rising, no date nights or movie nights, no hanging out with friends, no social life.
Going out was a big deal for me... Prepare a baby bag before anything else, packing baby's food, an additional set of dress and diapers, dressing her appropriately as per the climate. Gone were the days when my closet used to be full with seasons collection and now is the time when my baby's closet is loaded with season's cloth. I even don't get enough time for parlour and pamper myself. A bun became my all time favorite hairdo.
Today my daughter is 3yrs, and my daily routine still revolves around my daughter, my better half and home.It is all set in my subconscious that my daughter is my first priority rather than me. In between, I have completely lost my identity.I have to think very hard to remember when was the last time I spent the complete day just for me. Where is that girl lost who had a no care attitude?Being with my old friends, shopping entire day, eating those mouth watering Pani puris, long hours of chit chat -everything seems to have become things of past.
Several sleepless nights and starting fresh in the morning to take care of my little one became a norm.Those dark circles gave me a feeling of a sleep deprived mother.A journey of reading moms blogs and children's grooming books and what to do and so forth, leaving behind my enthusiasm of reading those fictitious novels.My day begins with her and my night's end with her making her asleep on my arms.
Even my friend list also changed..my daughter's friend parents became my new friends, and the bonding was also immediate..courtesy our kids!My life centered around Potty and pee train my baby to teaching her to toothbrush on her own to teaching her to manage herself on her own, express her needs, ask for help. In short, make her independent.
Watching movies also became a big deal, especially when it was not a cartoon movie.Earlier we (me n my husband)used to watch all the new releases in theater, however, later on, I started rating them from the point of view of my daughter. Our movies preference changed to cartoon/kids movies and with time we also used to enjoy the same movie with her. Seeing her enjoy gave us the enjoyment and satisfaction. Might be this is called the lovely feeling of motherhood.Leaving your earlier lifestyle for the little one which makes your life more blessed.
I just feel sometimes "have I lost my identity completely being a mom, where are my wishes n my desires. Am I only a mom?". The girl who used to be carefree, who used to shudder responsibilities has now become completely responsible.
But when I see my daughter my musings of "being me" vanishes.When she hugs me and says "Mumma I love u", I completely forget myself and become a loving and caring mumma of my sweet darling daughter.
In introspection now, I realize that of all the things in experiencing motherhood the easiest and most natural is losing yourself -which happened with me. Now I feel that in the course of becoming the best mom, you should not leave yourself behind. Ultimately it's only "you" who makes a unique and the best mom for your baby.Don't completely loose yourself, pursue your hobbies, go after your dreams. Our children are our reflections so just take care of yourself.Motherhood is like a season, it will go.Take out some time from the bustling calendar just for yourself, chit chat with some old friends, spend some quality time for yourself, get a spa and feel relaxed and take care of your little ones with that refreshed mind.
Take Care MOMs and be Yourself.