Silent Victim in a marriage
|   Jul 16, 2016
Silent Victim in a marriage

Marriages are made in heaven, but the suffering in a marriage is planned in hell. In India, they say marriage is in between two families and not just two people. So, even the benefits are shared equally. Be it the happiness or the ugly phase of marriage, its the entire family which get to enjoy the results of it. When it comes to the happiness and celebration at home, the scenes look very similar to movies from Rajshree production and when it comes to the troubles in paradise, it looks very similar to Balaji production serials.. never ending :P When it comes to the happiness, nobody has difficulty in living the moment. The problems start when the actual problems start in life. The comparisons are funny, but when it comes to the people suffering in it, nobody can even empathize it.

In this patriarchal society, its very common to hear that women is a victim of a marriage. Many episodes of women being victims keep popping on some or the other news channels, but its very rare that we hear that even men are the victims of abusive marriage. Eyebrows raise and many doubts occur on how can a "man" be a victim of a marriage? In this patriarchal society where men are considered strong,  nobody can even fathom that even men can be a victim. I always believe that everything has advantages and disadvantages associated with it and so is our Indian law. As I have mentioned, its a patriarchal society and the same were the thoughts of our law makers. As per my understanding, there are many sections and many rules when it comes to the protection of women from horrible in laws and our law makers never ever thought that even men may require protection. Therefore when it comes to the protection of men, he is usually left clueless on to understand what can be done and what needs to be done. If a man is in a abusive marriage, even divorce is not a easy option for him. I have come across few friends of mine who had to suffer coz of the loop holes in our law. When my friend and his family was suffering in a abusive marriage, he consulted few lawyers. He was always advised that divorce is not a option, but its a risk. Incase he opts for divorce, he should be ready to face all the consequences associated with it. He was told by some lawyers that in case his wife files a false complaint on dowry harassment on his family members, it would be his entire family which will be put behind bars. He was totally confused with the option given by the lawyers. He wasnt sure which is a better option for him. There were lot of questions rising in his mind. Should he suffer with a abusive wife for his entire life? should he make his entire family suffer with his wife their entire life? In case he chooses to divorce his wife and he files a divorce, what will happen when his wife as a counter attack, lodges a complaint on his family for dowry harassment?(Although they never harassed her for dowry)  Can he afford to loose his job? Can he afford to see his aged mum and dad, his sisters behind the bars? I mean, its not a proud situation to be behind the bars and its not the same as getting locked in your room. Even stepping the stairs of police station is humiliating. Let alone see the pride of our life behind the bars just because we ended up marrying the wrong one. Its not just being inside the lock up that is humiliating even the after effects of it is horrible to imagine. Can you imagine the stares from every house and every neighbor? Even for the guy, when he does back to his office, the way his colleagues would stare at him, will make you wish that you had the power of getting invisible. Hence, none of the scenes that he was trying to imagine was convincing him to choose a option. He was constantly stuck in between two options. Divorce or no? After lot of thinking, he felt that he can afford to suffer with his wife instead of seeing his family behind the bars. He chose to stay away from his parents so that they dont have to go through the pain. 

The story written above is just a tip of the ice berg.  The amount of pain that the family underwent in the due course is beyond explanation. Apart from this one, I even read a story in FB that one guy committed suicide thinking that if he dies, his family may not have to go through the ordeal of abusive marriage. His parents and his sisters were thrown in jail based on the complaint filed by his wife. As far as I understand, committing suicide is not easy. It takes hell lot of pain and a person has to feel so helpless that he felt taking his life was easy than living through his married life.  Apart from this, recently there was a video posted where an elderly lady was constantly beaten and abused by her daughter-in-law and thanks to that video, the lady who abused the elderly women was put behind the bars. Its not easy to see our family members suffering. Just a tear in our parents eye will tear us into infinite number of pieces, let alone see them suffering due to some wrong choices taken in the past.

Well, we always conclude saying that we should teach our boys to behave in so and so manner assuming the fact that the girls are always sensitive and good. I am not sure what goes behind the thoughts of the lady who starts to abuse her family, but whatever it is, for sure can be sorted. No need of taking the violence as a step to solve some problem. Looking at the way things are going nowadays, for sure its high time to bring gender equality in place. If we teach our girls to be strong and independent, we should even teach them the family values and also teach them to respect each and every individual. Gender bias should now be stopped. Apart from having commonsense, there is one more sense that everyone needs to have and that is human sense. Its not just about being human, its about being humane. I always believe that communication is a solution for all the family problems. Only when there is a lack of it, will the problem arise. Lets make sure we create a society where there are happy marriages and not abusive marriages. 

Dear readers, kindly share your views and thoughts and lets understand the perspective from every individual. It was the comment from one of the reader (Nitya Hariharan), that inspired me to write this article, so thanks to her. I hope she reads even this :)

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