What exactly is “true love”: Breaking the bubble
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|   Sep 25, 2016
What exactly is “true love”: Breaking the bubble

I often come across certain inspirational quotes about "true love" on social media. One of the most popular among them are the qualities that make a boyfriend/fiancée your true love. There will be a list of pointers in such posts that set up the conditions; which if fulfilled; prove that you have chosen the right partner.

I am sure all of you must have liked or shared such posts on Facebook. Although I do not have any problem with anyone liking it, I sometimes, feel that such posts are quite unrealistic.

The list includes important points; examples of which are as follows:

  1. Your true love will accept you as you are.
  2. The one who truly loves you will always find time for you.
  3. Your true love will help you with household chores.
  4. The one who truly loves you will adore you with gifts.

While all of the above feels quite good to read, NOT ALL MEN HAVE ALL THE QUALITIES TOGETHER IN ONE PACKAGE.

Well, I know that I may sound someone here who is not pampered by her husband enough, leading me to this opinion. But, trust me, things are not like we see in some Bollywood movie after marriage. There is no “AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER”.

Sorry to break the bubble. But, this is true. And yet I am amazed that such things are still promoted and accepted by all of us in one blink of an eye.

Let me just give you a real picture of what happens after marriage. Things that you may not even imagine, could create differences.

The problem with accepting each other as both really are. This is what I feel is the biggest myth being propagated. I am not denying that some of its aspects are true. A true love will love you no matter what color, creed or caste you belong to. S/He will not judge you for all these attributes about which you really cannot do anything. S/He may be open enough towards you partying late; giving you the freedom to work and helping you out with the household chores to balance it out.

BUT, once you come home, you will still be expected to IMPROVE. It is said something that remains unchanged is change itself. This particular change will be expected in day-to-day activities.

If one of the partners is a cleanliness freak, the other will always be told to at least clean up their own wardrobes or the dishes must be kept without a speck of dust on it (even though they are not in regular use), the glass table tops need to be cleaned regularly and the couches must also be dusted. The clothes need to be washed in the washing machine at the right time. If you forget some days or miss on to put one of the cloth pieces due to various other factors at play, it is not acceptable. There must not be even a single hair found around loitering here and there even by accident. (Such excuses like you were in a hurry or had to go to pick up your child as he had fallen are of no use in such cases).

Now, even though you must be doing all such odd jobs at your own home thinking that you know how to handle everything. BEWARE! Because it is never the same after you get married. Even if you are working, your weekends end up in doing all the cleaning stuff that has piled up. Your partner will not help you as much because come equality, he will be doing his own cleaning jobs as well.

Stop thinking about women who are home makers. The situation tends to be even worse in such cases. Because, once the woman of the house feels that all work is done, she is often pointed out at by her partner or others of whatever little is left. So, there is lesser credit in that role too.

Things are certainly judged. Your tone of voice becomes the biggest victim in such cases. If you say something in a louder voice or a heavy tone, it is taken as rude and unapologetic behavior. The misunderstandings do grow up with this slightest thing that you are expected to change. And how difficult is that!

Then, the second point is that you spend "enough" time with each other. It is the second biggest myth. Because, if it is really your true love, the time spent together is never enough. Both of you will always crave for more. In certain relationships, this becomes a big issue. The competitive world has its own chains to bind both of you to find “enough” time for each other. The cases of cheating on each other and extra marital affairs, leading to lesser time being devoted by one partner are a debate for another day.

Now let’s come to gifts. Gifts are the best way to pamper a woman, I agree. But not all men believe it or practically practice it. The first few years will be all about giving each other surprise gifts on occasion or non-occasion days but once you have kids, it becomes lesser and lesser. I believe that such should not be the case but unfortunately it is; at least in India. You may get a gift on your birthday but not on the anniversary and vice-versa. So, giving gifts in such relationships is really not deemed necessary. It is the love itself that is important. Gifts are just a medium of expression and they do not remain as frequent or the same, as they used to be.

Lastly, no relationship in this world is a cake walk. You have to devote yourself, invest your time and love in it, nurture it with constant praises and words of love and respect for each other, fight, argue and discuss things ranging from petty to the most crucial ones. Please accept that no true love is a perfect human being. S/He has his/her own flaws and weaknesses. What S/He can do is to improve gradually and you have to be patient enough for change to happen. That is the crux of every “true love” relationship.  

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