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It surprises parents that girls undergo horrible treatments and yet they don’t consider sharing the news with their parents. It happens mostly in teenage that girls stop sharing their problems with their parents. Is it because they stop trusting their parents? Or because they decide (on basis of their experience) unconditional love doesn’t exist? Or because they don’t know to give words to ugly and embarrassing things?
I was teased and bullied by many guys in adolescence and in early adulthood. The guys were from varied age group, varying from my own age group to as old as my grandfather’s age group. Sometimes, a boy followed me from school gate to my home. Sometimes, someone else tried to hand over me a card and a flower. I had a daily dose of embarrassing remarks from complete strangers. Almost daily in tempo, I was teased (touched) by adult and elderly males, who act as if it was accidental. Few guys coming from opposite direction loved to give a straight stare at my breasts. I felt disgust, shame, confusion and sometimes fear while undergoing this treatment. Irrespective of whatever I felt, I never reported any of these annoying incidents at home. Why? Here are my reasons.
If I had known to overcome embarrassment and if open talks were allowed in my home, I guess, I would have thought of speaking about my problems at home.
2. It would boomerang. I had a notion that something was going wrong, but what and who, I was clueless. There was equal probability of either something wrong with me or with the whole society. I am such a small unit of this big society, was there any possibility that the society, everyone except me, was wrong? I could not assess this situation. My father is very strict and it was guaranteed that if something was wrong within me, I would be punished. This would make my situation more troublesome.
If I could have understood the strictness of my father or my father would have been little lenient, I guess, I could have told him.
3. I didn't have answers. The difficult communication between me and my parents often ended in a questionnaire. My parents asking question about how, why, what, where and so on. I had few answers, not comfortable to speak but I had, for few I had no answers. I had learnt, whenever I had no answers I was considered guilty. I avoided all those questions by not telling them anything.
If I were not punished for not being able to answer a question, probably, I could have faced the questions.
4. I thought my parents would not understand me. I thought whatever was happening with me has never happened to my parental generation. This was something out of the world happening to me and I would not be able to make them understand the situation or myself. No point in opening an ugly and uncomfortable dialogue with them.
If my parents had ever shared their life experiences, bad ones, I would have known that I was not alien.
5. I thought my parents would not stand for me. When my father's friend tried to touch my breasts, I was so sure that my father would not trust me and would scold me for saying or thinking such derogatory actions. Or even if he could trust me, he would not be able to express his anger and embarrassment on his friend. He would feel ashamed to have such a friend and guilty of being not able to save his family from such disgusting person. In such a situation we humans tend to deny the ugly truth and hide all our fears, shame, disgust and guilt under the cover of unmanageable anger. Anger has ability to blind us. A blind person cannot be blamed for hitting a wrong target. I didn’t want to blind my father and I avoided being a target.
If I had not painted my father as an angry and strict person, who won’t stand for me or if I could foresee the emotionally challenged moments when my father stood by me and supported me, then I would have told him.
6. I wanted to get rid of this incident, at my home. There is something interesting about home. In home, we don't have schedules for anything. Anytime is right time to nag, to appreciate, to criticise and to hug. So, if I would say something about today's incident, it would become a whole day or may be a whole week agenda for my parents to discuss the issue. Every time, forcing me into uncomfortable zone. Why to do such a thing when I could enjoy that time by watching TV or reading or playing or simply forgetting the incidence?
This happens in most of the families that a constant nagging takes place or a serious discussion starts anytime about their kid’s problem. If my family could run a schedule for such things, I would have told them my problems.
My parents loved me and were protective like all other parents, but still I denied their umbrella. Many of my doubts about my parents cleared with time. I have a better sketch of them now as compared to the one I had in teenage. This is again a blog from my personal life. I will request my readers to not give judgmental comments about my parents. I am writing this blog so that we parents could see the issue from a teenager’s perspective. I was lucky as I didn’t have any major accident in my teenage. But all those teenage girls are vulnerable to accidents, who hide their problems.
These were my reasons as a teenage girl for not telling my problems to my parents. Please do share your reasons, it will help us to think solutions for those reasons. I hope by doing so we would be able to make our teenage girls talk to us openly.