No – I don’t want a son for “YOU”
|   Mar 08, 2016
No – I don’t want a son for “YOU”

Being born to parents who always take pride in their daughters, I have been alien to upbringing of boys - neither have I missed the presence of a brother in my life. When I was living in the suspense of the gender of my unborn baby – my husband and I always wanted a girl.


With my little experience, I have seen that no matter what situation a daughter is in, her love and gratitude for her parents never changes. I have also seen some sons who respect their parents so much that they know how high to place them in the family – my husband being one such gem.


But the sad reality today is also that several sons and daughters-in-law (surprisingly someone else’s Daughter!) have discarded and dumped their aged parents like a piece of waste. Yet, we Indians, pray and bless only for sons – just so that the legacy of the family (however bad) is carried on for generations to come.


When I was carrying and would get “blessings” of having a baby boy, I would silently hope it was a girl. But sadly we live in a society where female empowerment or feminism is only in words and not spirit. By female empowerment – I do not mean place girls higher than boys – I just mean place them equal! But that also is too much to ask for.


I remember how blessings would be so male specific that it would anger and depress me. Strangely, these words would always come out from a woman’s mouth and heart.


My husband and I were overjoyed and elated when God had chosen us to nurture a girl - he had proven he had faith in us to do justice to humanity. But sadly, everyone around didn't have the same line of thought. There were several relatives (who I now hope shouldn't have come to see us at all) who were disappointed that I delivered a girl and assumed that we were equally dejected.


I always failed to understand how having a son can guarantee a lifetime of bliss? It could also turn into a lifetime of misery! There have been umpteen number of instances where

  • the son, with the best of upbringing but with wrong influence, turns into an alcoholic/ drug addict or a womanizer – is it better than the mere fear of a daughter shaming you in the society?
  • the son, earns well financially but does not support aged parents as he has his own responsibilities - is it better than having a daughter sharing her income with her new family? 
  • the son for whom you received dowry and gifts and purchased a bride, succumbs to his wife’s pressure and moves out of the family for their own space and style of living – is it better than the "burden" of getting your daughter married and eventually separating from her?   
  • the son, who falls into the trap of his wife's tactics and accuses you of being unfair and unkind to his wife -  is it better than respecting a doting son-in-law?
  • the son, whose financial responsibilities you bear till the end of your life because he is not competent to raise a family – is it better than the dowry and occasional  gifts you send to your daughter?
  • the son, who for greener pastures and better jobs settles overseas leaving you all alone, physically and mentally weak – is it better than having a married daughter visit you on weekends? 
  • the son whose family disputes puts you in an everyday pain – is it better than the peace of mind of having a daughter happily settled?
  • the sons' fight for the property and divide everything so heartlessly that it tatters your heart and soul – is it worth the prayers and blessings for a son you always received?


I am not being mean – I know that not all sons are like this. But neither are all daughters a burden! Having a good son might be a stroke of luck but having a good daughter is definitely a blessing.


As I begin to think of a second child – I would be glad to have a boy. A boy – to protect his angel sister, to be an example of humanity like his father and to restore my faith in male children. But mind you, I do not want to give birth to a male child for YOU – to keep you happy or to make you think of me in high esteem or to take the legacy forward. If ever God chooses one for me - it will be his choice for us and not for You!


Ps: For all you lovely ladies who have only sons and have an unfulfilled wish of having a daughter – this article is not aimed at you. I am sure, you will get daughters-in-law, who know there can be two sets of parents and you will then shower all the unfulfilled wishes on those special girls. This article is only for those who feel the most supreme thing a woman can do is deliver a son!


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