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So I read a beautiful piece about a gentle and caring relationship between a daughter in law and mother in law this morning and it immediately struck me to share snippets from my own life which would make a pleasant read.
I got married a year and a half ago and within five months of my marriage conceived my baby who is nine months old today. After my engagement, began not only my courtship with my fiancé then but also my mother in law who is an absolute gem of a person. A young 47 year old bubbly, high spirited lady, my MIL would call me often to discuss clothes, fashion, harmless gossip, food , travel and what not. I took an instant liking to her vivacious personality. I was excited to be in her house as we shared similar interests and were to a great extent, similar personalities.
And in no time I was married. But like most of you all would have experienced, I began to miss my home, my parents, my room , literally everything about my life before marriage so much more. Strangely, I had never missed any of it when I chose to move cities for a Banking job before I got married. But that's something marriage does to you, doesn't it?
And one morning I woke up to discover I was pregnant!! Boom. One change after another. I needed my life to buffer and not work on a hi speed internet pace.
I began to feel extremely hormonal and so temperamental that I'd take anything little to heart and sit and sob over it. There were lots of pointless dull days. While my husband was trying to make me happy by taking great care of me at his end, I would feel extremely gloomy in the days as I had wanted to resume working but couldn't anymore since I got pregnant. An ambitious girl that I had always been, it would eat me up to while away my time, just doing nothing as I had no house responsibilities either.
My MIL decided to take care of my worsening situation by pampering me and taking me to the movies every second day. We would watch literally every movie playing, go shopping and lunching together. She knew she just to keep my mind occupied so I wouldn't spiral back into feeling useless and jobless. Well this was only the beginning.
My MIL had warned me and tried to prepare me for the post partum blues that would follow. I laughed it off thinking, I'd be finally too busy in life doing something productive, thereby not experiencing PP blues. But what struck me was worse. I suffered with a serious case of PPD which blew me off post 2 months of my child. I suffered with insomnia and uncontrollable crying feeling so dark and worthless. I loved every bit of being with my child, but the minute he'd sleep, I'd fall into a dark pit of feeling lost in the race , a race I don't even know what of !!! A super confident girl had now begun to feel diffident and unsure of environments and situations. This wasn't ME.
My MIL yet again came to my rescue and this time more deeply. She breathed through all my hormonal tantrums and outbursts and didn't create issues out of them like any other Indian mother in law would have. She instead, would sit me down occasionally and helped me acknowledge what I was experiencing and gave me so much hope and faith. She offered so much understanding when I would refuse to meet well wishers wanting to come see the baby. She'd gracefully manage all the guests without me having to go and exchange social pleasantries. This was A BIG RELIEF!! She sailed me through fights and altercations with my husband, or any goddamn thing in the family. My MIL has truly played the balancing act and helped me fine tune to all the family members and settle in so smoothly into my new house that it feels like I've been with everyone since forever.
I asked her, " mom, how do you do this? How are you so accommodating and understanding? How do you handle every member so tactfully? " To which she replied, " because, my dear child, I was also this young , fiery, ambitious girl like you when young. Probably more of a rebel. But age and experiences tame you down. But I don't want you to be tamed. Go chase your dreams and never give up on them. You're only going through a plateau and doing a beautiful job taking care of your little one for now. But this must not deter you from any ambitions. You're Slowing down now to run longer later".
Found not a mother, but a friend in her 😊