A Mother's Guilt
668
|   Feb 21, 2017
A Mother's Guilt

As I am new to motherhood i didn't expect guilt will come naturally, no matter if you have done something right or wrong, unintentionally or intentionally for your own good or for your child's sake.  At first I thought it was just me feeling that guilt but then I found out I was not alone most of the mothers feel the same way too. And there's actually nothing wrong about it, we love our children so it's basically normal to feel guilty. I didn't this much guilt in my life not until i had my own little bundle of joy. I feel guilty from time to time and even though after feeling that guilt for some reason I still do the things over and over again. 

Breast sleeping - Because it’s much more convenient for both of us, I can sleep while I’m feeding him and he falls asleep too while I’m feeding him, but no burping at all. But it only happened twice, I was scared of the risk , because anytime I can fall into a very deep sleep and who knows what will happen next, I might crash on him or I might hit him any time with my hands if I move, anything can happen so I don’t really recommend it.

Baby wrap – sometimes I can’t just put down my son, if I put him down even when he is sleeping he wakes up right away so in order for him to get longer sleep or naps in the afternoon I wrap him and I can finish my things to like hanging the cloths or cooking but please if you still do it until now you better stop it right away, after reading an article about the danger of wrapping your baby I stopped doing it. Here’s the article just to share with the other mom’s out there.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2016/12/09/woman-posts-warning-photo-about-multitasking-with-babies-after-stove-burner-explodes.html

Taking Caffeine or Alcohol – I’m 100% breastfeeding my child but once in a while I take caffeine and alcohol, well once a day coffee with milk is not bad and a glass of wine once in a month is not really that bad too, as long as you have your limits. So far I can control my drinking habits even though how much I wanted to drink; well it’s for the good of my child.

Co - Sleeping – or other term Bed sharing with your child is not really recommended but I really don’t have a choice we only have 1 room apartment, yes we do have a crib but the crib is for a toddler which is really big and it only fits in our living.  As long as you create a safe bed space for your child everything is going to be fine, I sleep next to my son where in I am in the middle of him and my husband, but 1 week ago his sleeping on his swing right next to me, so he can go back to sleep at night right after feed.

Keeping him all day at Home – Well I usually don’t bring my son out; maybe one’s a week in the park. Because I ‘am too lazy to change him into his diapers ( he only wears nappy cloth at home) and take it out again the moment we come back home after 15 minutes of being out, the other reason is I ‘am so lazy to change to another clothes and wear bra and change back again.

Late Shower – previously I bathe him at 11am onwards because I want to catch up some sleep. But since he turned 1 month he wakes up around 7 to 8am and does not want to go back to sleep,  he might go back to sleep but only after an hour or two, feeding doesn’t even help him to sleep at all. So I change the routine I wake up when his awake and I will catch up some sleep only in the afternoon when his having his nap.

Letting him cry for 3 minutes – You might think I am a really bad mother but some of the things that I do is for a reason. At night when it’s time for him to sleep while his sleepy and cannot sleep so he gets really irritated and cry, so I let him cry for 2 to 3 minutes until he gets tired and the moment I pick him up he actually stops crying and in 1 minute he just lean on my shoulder and his sleeps. It works for me so I do it.

Leave him alone when his not crying – Yes I feel guilty when his not crying and I leave him alone, because I take my chances in getting things done when his not asleep. But sometimes I feel so bad, I always have that in my mind of what is he doing, what he is looking at, is he lonely or sad or he might be looking for me.

Not giving bath at night – I know most of the mothers give their child a bath 2 times a day. But I don’t think I have to, my son is only 2 months, he does not go out at all and I am scared he will get some cold at night because it’s colder at night, but I do give him a warm sponge bath before he sleeps. So basically I just use a small baby towel that is warm to clean him up at night. No need for a full bath.

Putting him on his swing at night - I feel guilty because he sleep longer in my chest. In his swing he wakes up every hour and even though you swing him it does help at all for him and for me as well. But letting him sleep on my chest at night is not good too, it’s too risky for me he can have a good sleep but not me, he moves a lot the so called baby reflexes thing so when he does that he wakes up but if he knows his sleeping on my chest he goes back to sleep right away.

Skips Tummy time in most of the days – He does not like tummy time, he cries when he does it but I am trying my best to give him, but the longest is for 5 minutes only which is not really enough. Why do we actually have to give tummy time for babies? It helps them develop strong head, neck and shoulder muscles.

Skipping Burp after feed – Like what I said he falls asleep while being feed, so the moment I feel that his in a deep sleep specially at night, I just put back to the bed or swing so I can go back to sleep right away I don’t need to spend another 15 to 30 minutes just to put him back to sleep.

Swaddling – Until now we swaddle him if we want him to sleep much longer, like what I said the baby reflexes thing makes his sleep shorter, and most of the time he startle himself.

Using Nappy cloth at day time – Just simple because diaper is more costly but using nappy is one of the reasons he wakes up right away because he does not like to feel something wet, the moment he pee he cries so I must change him right away to a new one (can you imagine how much nappy I change every day? Seriously it takes a lot of your time.

Using bouncer before 3 months – The moment he was able to control his head we put him in the bouncer and it was too late for me to find out that he can only use it when he turns 3 months, the bouncer helps me a lot specially when his wide awake and he does not want to be put down, the music helps him to calm and I use my feet to bounce him, I usually do that when I want to have a proper meal by not carrying him with me or even washing the dishes too.

Using Mittens – The first month I use mittens on him all the time because I was so scared to cut his nails and his nails were so long. But I had to face my fears so I cut and since I was not really confident enough I hurt him, I cut a part of his skin and a bit blood came out it actually hurt him because he made a sound , I got mad at myself but my father in law wants us to stop putting on the mittens for a reason that his hands won’t be able to move freely with mittens which is actually true, so this time I am more and more careful in cutting his nails.

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