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220.127.116.11.95.... “baby’s heart rate is falling” exclaimed one of the nurses! “It seems baby is unable to take the pain, let’s call the doctor,” she asserted. And yes after examining the heart rate my doctor said it loud and clear “we have to operate.” Hence I had a cesarean and after few hours our bundle of joy was placed in my arms.
Well deep down I always knew it would be a girl, a little angel will come to light our small world. She looks more like him but they say she has my eyes, big, inquisitive, impressive eyes which are at present full of fascination for almost everything.
Ours was a love marriage and immediately after my marriage, I became pregnant. New environment, new people, new role, new responsibilities and of course expectations as a wife and as a daughter in law made the matter worse. So there we were, unlike most newly wedded couple, coping with my dramatic mood swings, severe morning sickness, intolerable fatigue, ever increasing waist line, and abnormal cravings to name a few. People say a would-be-mom is given enough time, a full nine month; to brace herself for the upcoming massive transition in her life. I don’t know about others, I was certainly not prepared.
The week following my delivery was the toughest. I couldn’t sit upright, neither could I move without support nor could I lift my baby properly. I felt as if I was crippled and had to depend upon others for almost everything. My mental health was equally bad, the very fact that a new life’s well being is solely dependent upon us was q
uite overwhelming for me. My mind was clouded with thousands of doubts and unanswered questions: Will I be able to do justice to all the responsibilities? Will I be good enough for the new role? There was a point when I felt that my life would never be normal again and the excruciating stitch pain which I felt back then would stay with me forever.
Out of the many challenges, the biggest and the gravest was lack of bonding with my new born. Few days after her birth, I realised that there was a disconnect between me and my little angel. She never used to look at me or respond in any possible way. Whenever she would cry my family members would hand me the baby, to everybody’s surprise instead of getting calmer she would start crying even louder and my mother in law would take the baby from me and cuddle her or calm her to sleep. It was a depressing situation and I didn’t know the solution for the same. I didn’t confide in anyone either as I was little sceptical about their reaction. I tried so many times to sing song to her but all my efforts were going in vain. Then one day when we were alone, I casually blew some air from my mouth on her face and she responded! For the first time she looked at me. After that there was no looking back. Feeding helped strengthen the bond further and with every feeding session we came closer and now she just completed six months and I already can’t imagine my life without her.
So from my experience, I would like to assure all the new moms out there who are in pain right now, feeling insecure, scared and tensed, no matter how excruciating the current situation is, you will sail through like I did. Instead of worrying, lets celebrate motherhood together!