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Meera sat next to the window, sipping her morning tea and holding her newspaper. But her mind was somewhere else. She kept staring at the newspaper but was unable to read. Why was she so restless, what was invading her thoughts and what had kept her awake all night, only she could tell. Her husband was ready to leave for work and bent down to give her a peck on her cheeks (a daily ritual) but she didn’t respond. She was as cold as ice. He left without much thought and here she was engulfed in her own chain of thoughts. She had few questions for herself – Where is my life heading, is this what I always desired, Am I happy, what is the purpose of my life?
Meera reached office but was unable to concentrate. She scrolled her whatsapp messages and stopped at Gaurav. All the messages to him have been from her side in the last six months with his two word or no reply. She thought to herself, “How vulnerable have I become, why does my whole existence revolve around him, why I expect him to keep me happy. I am self-sufficient.” But aren’t life partners exactly for that reason. She still wanted to give him the benefit of doubt and accept his lack of interest in her. Her mind was not into work…she picked up her bag and left for a coffee shop.
Meera got down the car and started walking aimlessly on the Worli sea face. Stream of thoughts ran just as busy as the waves. She remembered how it has been seven years since she married Gaurav. She blossomed in his company, his love was her strength, her smile was all that mattered to him. But how come things changed. Here she was sitting in complete isolation, solitude that pained her. The joy to rush home after work had died its natural death and it became more of a chore.
Meera was an IT professional while Gaurav was an Investment banker. They had met at a trade summit and had kept in touch since then. Acquaintance became companions and companions became lovers. They tied the wedding knot and started their blissful journey. While things were all rosy for the initial few years, gradually both got busy with their high demanding jobs and time to mingle was limited to dining tables. One thing had remained constant though. Gaurav never forgot to plant a kiss on her cheeks before he left for work. But for Meera it didn’t feel the same as before. She felt an emptiness all around her- all she had desired from marriage was companionship of Gaurav that she treasured so much. No lavish house, no dreamy vacation. She would check his phone but would never find anything worth doubting his intentions.
Meera returned home and while she had made up her mind that would not talk to him nor would she seek any answer, she started waiting for the doorbell to ring. Gaurav arrived and she gave him a cold look and walked away. He served food to himself and retired to bed. Meera was even more furious as she expected him to start a conversation. She kept sobbing in her room and finally it was too much to bear. She loved him way too much. She went up to Gaurav and hugged him. Gaurav responded with all his love and rolled his arms around her.
She said, “You don’t love me anymore”.
Gaurav replied, “yeah..right. I love my neighbour.” Both giggled, Meera sobbing at the same time. He held her even tight and said, “You are such a kid. Life is not always rosy Meera, the ups and downs are all part of this cycle. Work takes precedence at times and you expect your spouse to understand. Maybe I took you for granted. Who on earth could be more important than you.”
Meera said, “All I want is You. Never leave me alone.” Gaurav promised Meera that he will communicate more and will not let work take over their personal space. He reassured her with his kiss and this time, it felt all real.